THE LAB: The Ordinary, A Review.

Follow me into the lab my gorgeous grandmas… let’s take a look at The Ordinary.

I was first turned on when a friend brought a ziploc full of science-y bottles on a ladies weekend. She looked great. The ziploc was full of obvious science. I spend the flight home making a cart and pulled the trigger later that week. Scientific method? DUH.

QUESTION: Does The Ordinary work?

BACKGROUND RESEARCH: I asked some friends and looked at the website. The website is EXTREMELY confusing. These products may only be made for actual dermatologists. There is a chart that helps a bit. But there is an overwhelming amount of products that are not broken up in any way that makes sense. Really lean on the chart.

HYPOTHESIS: It may work. It may not?

EXPERIMENT: I ordered 6 items about 6 weeks ago.

“Buffet” – This is billed as a multi tasking serum. They do note that “Buffet” is a distasteful word. You can use AM and PM. I used AM and PM. Like most of the products, it comes in a glass bottle and dispenses from a glass eye dropper. I love that so much. It feels a bit sticky but it’s a first layer (I know because they tell you that in the chart.) I like. I will buy again.

hoito buffet the ordinary serum howoldistooold antiaging review

Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 – Not sure why I bought. It was on one of the charts under the antiaging catagory and cost about $7 bucks so I got it. More watery then the “Buffet” but still sticky. It attracts 1000 x it’s weight in water so I was hoping it would make my face less parched. Success. I will buy again.

ha acids 2 percent the ordinary hoito review

Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA – This is the only one that resembles something I know about – lotion. I NEED surface hydration. No matter how hydrated serums are making my face or there is a behind the scenes water attraction happening, I just need the top of my skin to feel moisturized. 8 bucks, works well. Will buy again.

the ordinary review lotion ha 2 percent hoito the lab

Advanced Retinoid 2% – Being old I’ve always wanted to try a retinol or retinoid but I’ve been way too scared. I was convinced my super sensitive skin would flip. But this is a perfect baby step. I use around my eyes and then all over. Instant difference. $10 bucks, will buy again.

hoito the lab retonoid review the lab the ordinary

100% Cold Pressed Rose Oil – All the most glowy ladies I know say things like “I only use olive oil to cleanse and moisturizer, just like my grandma.” Or “Coconut Oil is perfect for hair and skin and I’d never touch anything non organic.” So, here I was, covering my face in Rose Oil. AND I HATED IT. I hated it from the very first night. I did it anyway for over a month. I did it until I broke out, took a break, tried again, broke out again. When I say break out, I am talking high school style zits. White heads. Giant, greasy zits. It disgusted me to even write that sentence. My face does NOT do oils. I don’t like the feel, and I hate the zits. So. No. I will NOT be buying again.

hoito the lab the ordinary review rose oil

Low Viscosity Cleaning Ester – This is from a sister company of The Ordinary, NIOD. A little more expensive, but just as esoteric. And, I hate it. Same reasons as the above oil. Hate putting oil on my face but if I’m going to, I want it to at least work. It does NOT remove all traces of makeup. And it leaves your face all oily. Remember the breakouts?

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ANALYZE: Of my initial order, I like most of it. The Ordinary is crazy cheap – the basic idea is these are all common and familiar technologies and ingredients, they are concentrated and not full of extras and tons of water. Pricing integrity they call it. I’m into it. You can try stuff and move on without feeling like you are in too deep financially. I have the oils in a give away pile and the rest on re-order. The downside of the low low prices is it’s too easy to GO BIG. Better to start with one and add them in one by one. Then you could really see what’s working and what’s not. Another on the pro list – the small science bottles and eye droppers make you feel fancy and like you are really doing something for your skin.

REPORT: So, overall. My skin looks better! It really does. I’ve noticed an actual difference around my eyes. And I think the portion of the 6 weeks that was highlighted by greasy breakouts really gave me that teen acne look. It’s hard to recreate those high school pimples. I wonder how many people thought I was IN high school with that face?  And when I dropped the oils, the breakout cleared up in a couple weeks and my face stayed hydrated and puffy. I plan on adding another moisturizer for night to replace the Rose Oil. Something in a cream or lotion form. Just cause I like that and even if it’s not the best thing based on science, I like what I like. The Ordinary – order now! And tell us what works for you so I don’t have to work through all 50 items!

Good luck, you little baby faces!

The Lab: Peer Review – Rodarte Cutlicle Cuties

When I saw this in Allure, golden glittery cuticles on the Rodarte spring runways, I thought two things. One: I want that. Two: I can DO that.

I headed straight for The Lab. Here at HOITO, we are NOTHING if not totally immersed in bringing you the facts. All Science should be meticulously researched, relentlessly data driven, and vigorously peer reviewed.

So, shall we?

Looking over my copious notes, I’d say my first mistake was not reading the directions. At first glance, EASY. Totally darling, glittery cutest cutie cuticles flashing all around.

Step 1: Allure gives a lengthy description on cleaning up your nails. I peeled off my six week old no chip.

Step 2: Allure says to paint nails an opaque nude. I did not. The picture looked like bare nails?

Step 3: Allure instructs using a thin detail brush and keeping the polish on the skin. I used a decade old concealer brush and didn’t read the part about keeping it on the skin. I aimed for the crease in between the cuticle and the nail.

Step 4: Allure wants you to skip the topcoat. Followed that TO THE LETTER.

I added a step in which I attempted to scrub up the nail and around the cuticle. You know, control groups and then test groups…

You’ll note the glitter does NOT look like it’s around the nail and instead is in the inner nail. No, this is not a test group intended to prove this is a better look. Even after I took a glance a the directions so thoughtfully provided and re-centered my focus just the outermost edge… no. Not even close. It is IMPOSSIBLE to somehow get it only on the outside in a neat and tidy and Rodarte worthy manner.

I would say the research here is CLEAR. Very clear. Could not be more clear. Wait, let’s just double check one little number… the ultimate test of a manicure: How does it look holding a drink or a clutch?

Ah, we’ve confirmed the original outcome. Complete failure.

I would say that a few lessons were learned in the lab today. 1: Directions – hey, read em! 2: The golden glittery cuticle that sailed down the Rodarte runway are lovely. You can NOT argue that. 3: As a DIY: TERRIBLE. Do not attempt. Unless you have the hands of Thumbelina and the aim of Katniss Everdeen, leave this one to the professionals.