THE LAB: The Ordinary, A Review.

Follow me into the lab my gorgeous grandmas… let’s take a look at The Ordinary.

I was first turned on when a friend brought a ziploc full of science-y bottles on a ladies weekend. She looked great. The ziploc was full of obvious science. I spend the flight home making a cart and pulled the trigger later that week. Scientific method? DUH.

QUESTION: Does The Ordinary work?

BACKGROUND RESEARCH: I asked some friends and looked at the website. The website is EXTREMELY confusing. These products may only be made for actual dermatologists. There is a chart that helps a bit. But there is an overwhelming amount of products that are not broken up in any way that makes sense. Really lean on the chart.

HYPOTHESIS: It may work. It may not?

EXPERIMENT: I ordered 6 items about 6 weeks ago.

“Buffet” – This is billed as a multi tasking serum. They do note that “Buffet” is a distasteful word. You can use AM and PM. I used AM and PM. Like most of the products, it comes in a glass bottle and dispenses from a glass eye dropper. I love that so much. It feels a bit sticky but it’s a first layer (I know because they tell you that in the chart.) I like. I will buy again.

hoito buffet the ordinary serum howoldistooold antiaging review

Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 – Not sure why I bought. It was on one of the charts under the antiaging catagory and cost about $7 bucks so I got it. More watery then the “Buffet” but still sticky. It attracts 1000 x it’s weight in water so I was hoping it would make my face less parched. Success. I will buy again.

ha acids 2 percent the ordinary hoito review

Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA – This is the only one that resembles something I know about – lotion. I NEED surface hydration. No matter how hydrated serums are making my face or there is a behind the scenes water attraction happening, I just need the top of my skin to feel moisturized. 8 bucks, works well. Will buy again.

the ordinary review lotion ha 2 percent hoito the lab

Advanced Retinoid 2% – Being old I’ve always wanted to try a retinol or retinoid but I’ve been way too scared. I was convinced my super sensitive skin would flip. But this is a perfect baby step. I use around my eyes and then all over. Instant difference. $10 bucks, will buy again.

hoito the lab retonoid review the lab the ordinary

100% Cold Pressed Rose Oil – All the most glowy ladies I know say things like “I only use olive oil to cleanse and moisturizer, just like my grandma.” Or “Coconut Oil is perfect for hair and skin and I’d never touch anything non organic.” So, here I was, covering my face in Rose Oil. AND I HATED IT. I hated it from the very first night. I did it anyway for over a month. I did it until I broke out, took a break, tried again, broke out again. When I say break out, I am talking high school style zits. White heads. Giant, greasy zits. It disgusted me to even write that sentence. My face does NOT do oils. I don’t like the feel, and I hate the zits. So. No. I will NOT be buying again.

hoito the lab the ordinary review rose oil

Low Viscosity Cleaning Ester – This is from a sister company of The Ordinary, NIOD. A little more expensive, but just as esoteric. And, I hate it. Same reasons as the above oil. Hate putting oil on my face but if I’m going to, I want it to at least work. It does NOT remove all traces of makeup. And it leaves your face all oily. Remember the breakouts?

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ANALYZE: Of my initial order, I like most of it. The Ordinary is crazy cheap – the basic idea is these are all common and familiar technologies and ingredients, they are concentrated and not full of extras and tons of water. Pricing integrity they call it. I’m into it. You can try stuff and move on without feeling like you are in too deep financially. I have the oils in a give away pile and the rest on re-order. The downside of the low low prices is it’s too easy to GO BIG. Better to start with one and add them in one by one. Then you could really see what’s working and what’s not. Another on the pro list – the small science bottles and eye droppers make you feel fancy and like you are really doing something for your skin.

REPORT: So, overall. My skin looks better! It really does. I’ve noticed an actual difference around my eyes. And I think the portion of the 6 weeks that was highlighted by greasy breakouts really gave me that teen acne look. It’s hard to recreate those high school pimples. I wonder how many people thought I was IN high school with that face?  And when I dropped the oils, the breakout cleared up in a couple weeks and my face stayed hydrated and puffy. I plan on adding another moisturizer for night to replace the Rose Oil. Something in a cream or lotion form. Just cause I like that and even if it’s not the best thing based on science, I like what I like. The Ordinary – order now! And tell us what works for you so I don’t have to work through all 50 items!

Good luck, you little baby faces!

NY Fashion Week S RTW 2018 Review: Day 3

What started off as an action packed day came to a screeching halt when the world fell away, the front rows faded back, and the bright lights rose over the only thing that mattered: DELPOZO.

I was lucky enough to walk the first time in the oooOOOOnnnllly pink woven bow. (Only there is surrounded by pink twinkle hearts and blinky eyes). Pink and red (red orange?) is all over the runways this year and it’s about time. Baby pink and blood red is my favorite color combination after matte black with flat black. ANYWAYS, Delpozo. Magic.

delpozo hoito howoldistooold delpozo spring 2018 the best only thing that matters

V took her turn in one of her own classic favorites – layered mesh and nettings dotted with crystals and paillettes. And doesn’t she look like a dream in this dream? Second question: Does anyone want me to make them raffia slides in neon colors?

delpozo hoito howoldistooold fashion week spring 2018 review

If it’s not shoulder pads this year, and I’m still buying shoulder pads to sew into all my clothes, then a tulle puff shoulder ruffle will suffice. Am I too old for pink tulle? Is it too ten year old at ballet class? I think the slash of neon orange eye liner tempers it and that’s good enough for me. These flats would be a boon for my old knees, but y’all know I can’t do slides. I’ll make them for you all instead.

delpozo hoito howoldistooold fashion week 2018 review we love

You have a favorite show yet? (Besides for Delpozo?)

CONVERSATIONS WITH OLD PEOPLE: How do you get ALL the mascara off?

conversations with old people hoito how to take mascara off

I LOVE mascara, I truly do. It was the first piece of makeup I really became enamored with and the thing I would pick if I could only have one. If I forget to put it on, I WILL stop at the closest CVS to pick up a new one. My allegiance has varied over the years. There was a nearly decade long run of Diorshow Blackout (until I finally got tired of always have black under my eyes after about twenty minutes of wear), I’ve loved Maybelline Manga (those cartoon ads really spoke to me), and lately I’ve been doing L’oreal Voluminous. I am going to return to the Manga, more black.

ANYWAY. What I don’t understand and can not figure out is: HOW DO YOU GET IT OFF? Not most of it, but ALL OF IT? No matter how much I wash my face, or how many makeup wipes I use, there is always a dusting of it under my eyes in the morning. WTF. What am I missing here? Is there a trick I never learned to truly getting off ALL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE PIECE OF DUST MASCARA?

Tell me, please.

(PS – I tried the L’oreal Extra Volume Collagen and it’s WHOA GREAT. But not worth the hassle. It lasts about 3 days and any attempt to take it off will leave you with a gooey, cakey, rubbery mess. So gross and weird.)

ADULT CONTEMPORARY: I No Longer Wear Under-Eye Concealer

The eyes, no matter how lovely, are the one feature that will always give away your age. In the darkness of night, your 20-year-old Lyft driver might, at first glance, assume you are as young as he and needing an introduction to such fringe bands as Green Day and Maroon 5 (*TRUE STORY*), but in the light of day … if you’ve lived your life … no amount of Botox (or alternatives), will completely mask the wisdom held within.

Yes, my dear boy, I have heard of Green Day.

“WAIT,” he said confusedly, “you’re not in your … THIRTIES??”

How Old is Too Old - I have stopped using under eye concealer

And so eye creams and under eyes masks and cucumbers or whatever. But I’ve decided to focus less on keeping mine plump and bright and am instead embracing the fact that I have, indeed, seen some stuff, and that these peepers hold a depth of knowledge within.

“Here, darling, try Velvet Underground instead.”

I recently read in Vogue that French women apparently do not wear under-eye concealer. And instead of rolling my very concealed eyes, I was genuinely thrilled with the concept of letting your weariness and experience show on your face in just this one area. This was the first bit of advice that, to me, ACTUALLY could make a person look more interesting and “French” (aside from “Boul“, obviously). And I immediately stopped applying concealer on the inside corners and just beneath my eyes. I still use a little in the outside corner – where I have dark pink spots – but everything else is kept natural.

Can I tell you that I LOVE IT??

I doubt anyone notices, to be honest, but it makes me feel like I’m carrying around a little secret. I’ve even started darkening my eyelids a bit with a smudge of bronzer and covering that with a sweep of Vaseline, to play up my naturally shiny eyelids. It’s like I’m daring the world to guess how old I am – just look at all this very apparent mileage and wisdom.

As I stepped out of the car, breeze billowing my shirt up around me, I heard that baby boy subtly turn up the New York Dolls album I had suggested just before he sped away into the night, and I smiled to myself.

Guys, he thought I was in my twenties.

The Lab: Raffia Pom Pom Sandals DIY

Back from summer vacation and straight INTO THE LAB.

I brought these shoes into that super sterile environment full of science tools. And immediately discovered that these sandals are BORING. Dumb and boring. Hmmmm. RAFFIA POMS? Yes.

If you’ve ever made yarn pom poms, it’s the same basic idea.

Materials:

Instructions:

  • Raffia is easier in the beginning because it’s already folded over. I went with three folds, because I wanted them to be big. REALLY BIG.
  • Cut off your three folds and tie the center with string as tight as you can.
  • Cut a small felt square, this will help it adhere to the shoes. Raffia is hard to glue to shoes. Slice a small hole into the hole and thread the string though.
  • Cut any raffia that is connected or looped and start to spread the raffia. Now is when Raffia is harder then yarn. It’s not as fluffy as yard, so not as easy to spread. I had to scrunch it to make it fill out.
  • Once your pom is puffed, glue to shoe. Score the top of the sandal with your scissors, again to help adhere the pom. I scored the middle of the bottom strap near the top.
  • Add a LOT of glue to the felt square AND the shoe. Press pom to shoes where you scored.

 

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Press and press and press. AND THEN WEAR.

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AND WEAR.

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AND WEAR.

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DIY Raffia Pom Pom Sandals. Perfect for summer and making a hushed russling sound as you walk. If you like ASMR videos, you will LOVE these sandals.

PAPER DOLLS: Cavalli 2012 (And pin straight blonde hair.)

I miss being a blonde. hoito- molly- veronica-Naomi-Campbell-Karen-Elson-Kristen-McMenamy-Daphne-Groeneveld-by-Steven-Meisel-for-Robert-Cavalli-Spring-2012My shade of brown takes about 7 hours to get to white blonde (the only blonde worth having), and I have exactly two years before I have to get a pixie cut. Veronica fares much better as a redhead. And we both look great in Cavalli. molly veronica hoito cavalli still love it2012, the heyday of Cavalli, yes? And also, those stick straight blow outs. I think I knew how to do it then, we all did. Did we collectively lose that technology or it just me how can’t learn it again?

V. Also a vision in that baby blonde.

veronica cavalli hoiro in the lab howoldistooold
All images via Vogue. 

The Lab: Peer Review – Rodarte Cutlicle Cuties

When I saw this in Allure, golden glittery cuticles on the Rodarte spring runways, I thought two things. One: I want that. Two: I can DO that.

I headed straight for The Lab. Here at HOITO, we are NOTHING if not totally immersed in bringing you the facts. All Science should be meticulously researched, relentlessly data driven, and vigorously peer reviewed.

So, shall we?

Looking over my copious notes, I’d say my first mistake was not reading the directions. At first glance, EASY. Totally darling, glittery cutest cutie cuticles flashing all around.

Step 1: Allure gives a lengthy description on cleaning up your nails. I peeled off my six week old no chip.

Step 2: Allure says to paint nails an opaque nude. I did not. The picture looked like bare nails?

Step 3: Allure instructs using a thin detail brush and keeping the polish on the skin. I used a decade old concealer brush and didn’t read the part about keeping it on the skin. I aimed for the crease in between the cuticle and the nail.

Step 4: Allure wants you to skip the topcoat. Followed that TO THE LETTER.

I added a step in which I attempted to scrub up the nail and around the cuticle. You know, control groups and then test groups…

You’ll note the glitter does NOT look like it’s around the nail and instead is in the inner nail. No, this is not a test group intended to prove this is a better look. Even after I took a glance a the directions so thoughtfully provided and re-centered my focus just the outermost edge… no. Not even close. It is IMPOSSIBLE to somehow get it only on the outside in a neat and tidy and Rodarte worthy manner.

I would say the research here is CLEAR. Very clear. Could not be more clear. Wait, let’s just double check one little number… the ultimate test of a manicure: How does it look holding a drink or a clutch?

Ah, we’ve confirmed the original outcome. Complete failure.

I would say that a few lessons were learned in the lab today. 1: Directions – hey, read em! 2: The golden glittery cuticle that sailed down the Rodarte runway are lovely. You can NOT argue that. 3: As a DIY: TERRIBLE. Do not attempt. Unless you have the hands of Thumbelina and the aim of Katniss Everdeen, leave this one to the professionals.