ADULT CONTEMPORARY: I No Longer Wear Under-Eye Concealer

The eyes, no matter how lovely, are the one feature that will always give away your age. In the darkness of night, your 20-year-old Lyft driver might, at first glance, assume you are as young as he and needing an introduction to such fringe bands as Green Day and Maroon 5 (*TRUE STORY*), but in the light of day … if you’ve lived your life … no amount of Botox (or alternatives), will completely mask the wisdom held within.

Yes, my dear boy, I have heard of Green Day.

“WAIT,” he said confusedly, “you’re not in your … THIRTIES??”

How Old is Too Old - I have stopped using under eye concealer

And so eye creams and under eyes masks and cucumbers or whatever. But I’ve decided to focus less on keeping mine plump and bright and am instead embracing the fact that I have, indeed, seen some stuff, and that these peepers hold a depth of knowledge within.

“Here, darling, try Velvet Underground instead.”

I recently read in Vogue that French women apparently do not wear under-eye concealer. And instead of rolling my very concealed eyes, I was genuinely thrilled with the concept of letting your weariness and experience show on your face in just this one area. This was the first bit of advice that, to me, ACTUALLY could make a person look more interesting and “French” (aside from “Boul“, obviously). And I immediately stopped applying concealer on the inside corners and just beneath my eyes. I still use a little in the outside corner – where I have dark pink spots – but everything else is kept natural.

Can I tell you that I LOVE IT??

I doubt anyone notices, to be honest, but it makes me feel like I’m carrying around a little secret. I’ve even started darkening my eyelids a bit with a smudge of bronzer and covering that with a sweep of Vaseline, to play up my naturally shiny eyelids. It’s like I’m daring the world to guess how old I am – just look at all this very apparent mileage and wisdom.

As I stepped out of the car, breeze billowing my shirt up around me, I heard that baby boy subtly turn up the New York Dolls album I had suggested just before he sped away into the night, and I smiled to myself.

Guys, he thought I was in my twenties.

The Lab: Raffia Pom Pom Sandals DIY

Back from summer vacation and straight INTO THE LAB.

I brought these shoes into that super sterile environment full of science tools. And immediately discovered that these sandals are BORING. Dumb and boring. Hmmmm. RAFFIA POMS? Yes.

If you’ve ever made yarn pom poms, it’s the same basic idea.

Materials:

Instructions:

  • Raffia is easier in the beginning because it’s already folded over. I went with three folds, because I wanted them to be big. REALLY BIG.
  • Cut off your three folds and tie the center with string as tight as you can.
  • Cut a small felt square, this will help it adhere to the shoes. Raffia is hard to glue to shoes. Slice a small hole into the hole and thread the string though.
  • Cut any raffia that is connected or looped and start to spread the raffia. Now is when Raffia is harder then yarn. It’s not as fluffy as yard, so not as easy to spread. I had to scrunch it to make it fill out.
  • Once your pom is puffed, glue to shoe. Score the top of the sandal with your scissors, again to help adhere the pom. I scored the middle of the bottom strap near the top.
  • Add a LOT of glue to the felt square AND the shoe. Press pom to shoes where you scored.

 

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Press and press and press. AND THEN WEAR.

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AND WEAR.

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AND WEAR.

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DIY Raffia Pom Pom Sandals. Perfect for summer and making a hushed russling sound as you walk. If you like ASMR videos, you will LOVE these sandals.

PAPER DOLLS: Cavalli 2012 (And pin straight blonde hair.)

I miss being a blonde. hoito- molly- veronica-Naomi-Campbell-Karen-Elson-Kristen-McMenamy-Daphne-Groeneveld-by-Steven-Meisel-for-Robert-Cavalli-Spring-2012My shade of brown takes about 7 hours to get to white blonde (the only blonde worth having), and I have exactly two years before I have to get a pixie cut. Veronica fares much better as a redhead. And we both look great in Cavalli. molly veronica hoito cavalli still love it2012, the heyday of Cavalli, yes? And also, those stick straight blow outs. I think I knew how to do it then, we all did. Did we collectively lose that technology or it just me how can’t learn it again?

V. Also a vision in that baby blonde.

veronica cavalli hoiro in the lab howoldistooold
All images via Vogue. 

The Lab: Peer Review – Rodarte Cutlicle Cuties

When I saw this in Allure, golden glittery cuticles on the Rodarte spring runways, I thought two things. One: I want that. Two: I can DO that.

I headed straight for The Lab. Here at HOITO, we are NOTHING if not totally immersed in bringing you the facts. All Science should be meticulously researched, relentlessly data driven, and vigorously peer reviewed.

So, shall we?

Looking over my copious notes, I’d say my first mistake was not reading the directions. At first glance, EASY. Totally darling, glittery cutest cutie cuticles flashing all around.

Step 1: Allure gives a lengthy description on cleaning up your nails. I peeled off my six week old no chip.

Step 2: Allure says to paint nails an opaque nude. I did not. The picture looked like bare nails?

Step 3: Allure instructs using a thin detail brush and keeping the polish on the skin. I used a decade old concealer brush and didn’t read the part about keeping it on the skin. I aimed for the crease in between the cuticle and the nail.

Step 4: Allure wants you to skip the topcoat. Followed that TO THE LETTER.

I added a step in which I attempted to scrub up the nail and around the cuticle. You know, control groups and then test groups…

You’ll note the glitter does NOT look like it’s around the nail and instead is in the inner nail. No, this is not a test group intended to prove this is a better look. Even after I took a glance a the directions so thoughtfully provided and re-centered my focus just the outermost edge… no. Not even close. It is IMPOSSIBLE to somehow get it only on the outside in a neat and tidy and Rodarte worthy manner.

I would say the research here is CLEAR. Very clear. Could not be more clear. Wait, let’s just double check one little number… the ultimate test of a manicure: How does it look holding a drink or a clutch?

Ah, we’ve confirmed the original outcome. Complete failure.

I would say that a few lessons were learned in the lab today. 1: Directions – hey, read em! 2: The golden glittery cuticle that sailed down the Rodarte runway are lovely. You can NOT argue that. 3: As a DIY: TERRIBLE. Do not attempt. Unless you have the hands of Thumbelina and the aim of Katniss Everdeen, leave this one to the professionals.