THE LAB: Batiste, You Beast

File this one under “Old Dog, Old Tricks,” friends, because obviously everyone on Earth knows and uses Batiste, except me, until now. WHAT IS THIS MAGICAL POTION???

I’m not new to dry shampoo or anything – I wash my hair once or twice a week, and I know all too well the greasy dirt bomb that is the morning of Day 4 – but I’ve never found a product that could truly do all the things. And so I’ve been sprinkling baby powder on my roots (and all over my black clothes and sink and bath mat) for YEARS, not knowing that someone basically solved all of life’s mysteries, put it in an aerosol can, drew adorable cherries on the label, and then went and sold it for eight dollars.

It does all the things I could possibly dream of it doing, but somehow manages to be even better. Guys, LOOK AT MY HAIR:

Batiste dry shampoo review - How Old is Too Old

Stop washing your hair and just use Batiste instead - says this old person

Batiste saved my life tonight sugar bear

It’s Monday, and I haven’t washed my hair – or even gotten it wet – since … Thursday? I can’t even remember, it’s been that long!

I wasn’t even going to write about this, but I used it this morning and the record of my life metaphorically scratched, and I had to say something.

Never washing my hair again, obvs.

Batiste dry shampoo review
solar eclipse viewing.

 

 

THE LAB: Shopping at YESSTYLE.COM

I am ALWAYS telling people to shop  at Yesstyle.com.  And shortly after I suggest it, I have to explain what it is. And THEN, I try to cram in as many of the rules of shopping at Yesstyle as I can before their eyes glaze over looking at cat socks and couples co-ords.

My best aging pals deserve better! A handy guide below.

  1. You should shop at Yesstyle!
  2. What IS Yesstyle? Well, I’m glad you asked! It’s an online shopping emporium dedicated to Asian fashion, accessories, and beauty! Think ASOS (all the UK brands you know and love and a million smaller ones to find) for Asia.
  3. Anything you should know before losing the next four hours building your cart? YES.

DON’T GET OVERWHELMED BY THE VAST EXPANSE.

Yesstyle is home to millions of items. MILLIONS. Do not try to look at all the “dresses.” (55k+ items). Or “black sandals.” (6k+ items). You are gonna want to get specific. Look for “white distressed jeans cropped.” 19, ok. 19. I can work with that. Then scroll through about 30 photos of each item – all leaning on desks, holding coffees, crossing streets; not a ton of your basic catalog modeling happening. Gives you a much better glimpse into how clothes move and fit. Add your favorites to your cart and there you go. white distressed jeans cropped hoito yesstyle

Frontline Ripped Cropped Jeans, $22.21.

Renera Distressed Jeans, $20.27.

(All items shown are actually in my cart. My cart is currently at 28 items. About average for me.)

COUNTERPOINT: EXPLORE.

Some of my favorite items have been found poking around. WITH DIRECTION. I like to go to the Women’s New Arrival tab and start scrolling. Just scroll and scroll through all the filler until something catches your eye. Then click into that Brand, like Miss Yoyo. I clicked on the jumpsuit and found the jammies. Both landed in the cart. miss yoyo yesstyle yeeees jumpsuits and jammies hoito

Miss Yoyo Plain Jumpsuit, $23.18.

Miss Yoyo Matching Pajama Set, $29.97.

Under the printed jammies was a “Similar Items” scroll. Cool! I DO want to see more! So click on through… And then again… Just wandering around Yesstyle collecting must haves…yesstyle hopping hoito dresses

Moon City Stripe Dress, $19.30. 

Miss Yes Double Breasted Shirt Dress, $19.30. 

GIVE YOURSELF PLENTY OF DELIVERY TIME.

Say you are super stoked to get your new Clover Dream dresses. You have a thing, you want to wear one to a thing and then the other one to another cool thing. Ask yourself, when is this event? Is it this week? This month? Within the next 6 weeks? WON’T HAPPEN. Absolutely spring for the express shipping. But do so with the knowledge that this will get you closer to the 4-6 range and not the usual 3 month range. Once you know this, it becomes a fun surprise! OH! These cool Clover Dreams dresses?! I totally forgot about them!! Your items are not in stock, they are not going to be ANYWHERE, certainly not your closet, in 7 days. So, you just order, and you wait. And then your Clover Dream dresses arrive and you are THRILLED. clover yesstyle dresses really good hoito

Clover Dream Printed Short Sleeve Dress, $27.20.

Clover Dream Printed 3/4 Sleeve Dress, $25.12.

SHOES. SIZE UP. Except if you think they might JUST SIZE UP.

Your feet are one size larger in this market. They just are. Order a size up. Always. If you’re going to try your regular size, maybe do a sandal or something. Don’t you dare order a flat in anything other than one size up. What size will I order these sandals in?! JK, I’ll order them a size up. yesstyle shoes hoito best sandals ever antiaging footwear.jpg

Wello Velcro Platforms in White, $29.00.

Vivier Rhinestone Sandal, $81.38.

Southback Sandals, $23.18.

Goroke Tassel Sandals,$69.74.

STYLING INSPIRATION IS EVERYWHERE.

Look at that cutie pedicure poking out of those black buckled sandals above. LOVE IT. Tried this hair last weekend and looked like Bjork, BUT ready to try again with some auxiliary hairpieces and some things to stick on/in the hair (sidenote, the ELF SACK brand is worth scrolling though to the end. All this model. All amazing. So much is not enough). The shirt, sure. The hair, YES. If you look at the details, the layering, the styling, you will find some excellent ideas.hoito yesstyle hair inspo bork hair but not the lab youthful hair

All Elf Sack. ❤

GENERAL SIZING:

These guys go HARD in the details section. Jeans have 6+ measurements, dresses too. Every line is measured. Many have charts. But the most AMAZING part is the unit of measurement converter so you can flip all the sizes from centimeters to inches. SO thoughtful, Yesstyle!

hoito yesstyle sizing amazing

ONE SIZE.

A fair amount of the items, especially jumpsuits and dresses are One Size. Annoying, But works for me? I like giant things and these would be giant on just about anyone. I say try it. one size jumpsuit hoito.jpg

JENNA LYONS DOES NOT KNOW THE BEST SOCKS. THE BEST SOCKS ARE FROM YESSTYLE.

I was wrong. Forgive me.

best socks ever hoito socks to make you feel you again.jpg

Lazy Corner No Show, $4.75. WORTH IT BUY EVERY COLOR.

Sock Kingdom Heart Socks, $4.75. Also good. BUT BUY THE LAZY CORNERS.

A couple last notes:

Maternity clothes are rarely, if ever, modeled on pregnant woman.

Jeans often come with the button hole sewn shut.

Sheet masks?! HAVE AT EM. K-Beauty?! THERE IS NO BETTER SOURCE. You want collagen?! GET AT IT.

Are you too old for Yesstyle? No, I think not. Enjoy my babies.

CARTS: Aspirational Blogger Look

Hey what’s up I’m still alive! Sorry, but … I needed a break. I’ll admit, I’ve found it difficult to live that aspirational blogger lyfe while maintaining any semblance of self respect and/or decency. I came up in the 90’s – a decade of sarcasm, pessimism and IRONY – this fake news world confuses me. Taking photos of yourself while pretending to hang out at cute cafes is bonkers. IT’S BONKERS PEOPLE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? Cafes are boring! Painted walls are boring! I can’t even do this as a joke anymore.

You want something to aspire to? HERE:

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD for this Catherine Deneuve photographed by David Bailey for Vogue, 1968 look
original image source: David Bailey for Vogue, 1968 |Faces by Anjali Pinto | MUA Shannon O’Brien

HERE:

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD - Molly does Catherine Deneuve

HERE:

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD - flamingoes x 4

HERE:

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD - flamingos x 16

HERE:

Screen Shot 2017-07-06 at 8.40.35 PM

HERE:

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HERE:

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD flamingo wallpaper

SHOP THE LOOK