CONVERSATIONS WITH OLD PEOPLE: How do you get ALL the mascara off?

conversations with old people hoito how to take mascara off

I LOVE mascara, I truly do. It was the first piece of makeup I really became enamored with and the thing I would pick if I could only have one. If I forget to put it on, I WILL stop at the closest CVS to pick up a new one. My allegiance has varied over the years. There was a nearly decade long run of Diorshow Blackout (until I finally got tired of always have black under my eyes after about twenty minutes of wear), I’ve loved Maybelline Manga (those cartoon ads really spoke to me), and lately I’ve been doing L’oreal Voluminous. I am going to return to the Manga, more black.

ANYWAY. What I don’t understand and can not figure out is: HOW DO YOU GET IT OFF? Not most of it, but ALL OF IT? No matter how much I wash my face, or how many makeup wipes I use, there is always a dusting of it under my eyes in the morning. WTF. What am I missing here? Is there a trick I never learned to truly getting off ALL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE PIECE OF DUST MASCARA?

Tell me, please.

(PS – I tried the L’oreal Extra Volume Collagen and it’s WHOA GREAT. But not worth the hassle. It lasts about 3 days and any attempt to take it off will leave you with a gooey, cakey, rubbery mess. So gross and weird.)

ADULT CONTEMPORARY: I No Longer Wear Under-Eye Concealer

The eyes, no matter how lovely, are the one feature that will always give away your age. In the darkness of night, your 20-year-old Lyft driver might, at first glance, assume you are as young as he and needing an introduction to such fringe bands as Green Day and Maroon 5 (*TRUE STORY*), but in the light of day … if you’ve lived your life … no amount of Botox (or alternatives), will completely mask the wisdom held within.

Yes, my dear boy, I have heard of Green Day.

“WAIT,” he said confusedly, “you’re not in your … THIRTIES??”

How Old is Too Old - I have stopped using under eye concealer

And so eye creams and under eyes masks and cucumbers or whatever. But I’ve decided to focus less on keeping mine plump and bright and am instead embracing the fact that I have, indeed, seen some stuff, and that these peepers hold a depth of knowledge within.

“Here, darling, try Velvet Underground instead.”

I recently read in Vogue that French women apparently do not wear under-eye concealer. And instead of rolling my very concealed eyes, I was genuinely thrilled with the concept of letting your weariness and experience show on your face in just this one area. This was the first bit of advice that, to me, ACTUALLY could make a person look more interesting and “French” (aside from “Boul“, obviously). And I immediately stopped applying concealer on the inside corners and just beneath my eyes. I still use a little in the outside corner – where I have dark pink spots – but everything else is kept natural.

Can I tell you that I LOVE IT??

I doubt anyone notices, to be honest, but it makes me feel like I’m carrying around a little secret. I’ve even started darkening my eyelids a bit with a smudge of bronzer and covering that with a sweep of Vaseline, to play up my naturally shiny eyelids. It’s like I’m daring the world to guess how old I am – just look at all this very apparent mileage and wisdom.

As I stepped out of the car, breeze billowing my shirt up around me, I heard that baby boy subtly turn up the New York Dolls album I had suggested just before he sped away into the night, and I smiled to myself.

Guys, he thought I was in my twenties.