Carts: Glitter Makeup? Yeah, let’s do it again!

We were in high school in the late 90’s. So we DID glitter makeup. A lot of sheens, remember sheens? Frosted lips, frosted eyes. Shimmery glosses.

Somewhere along the line though, ’96? ’97? For sure by 1998, things had gotten way out of hand. I went to dances arms absolutely crusted with body glitter. First generation body glitters, the ones that were gel based/smelled terribly of rubbing alcohol/made your skin super tight as soon as it dried. We layered them carefully for size and color. AND THEN. Glitter eyeliner over the frosty eye shadow, glitter mascara, frosty lips. As if the frosty elements were a subtle counterpart to the more ostentatious glitter layers. I mean.

It was bound to happen. Somewhere in the early 2000 on the way out the door I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and for the next decade and a half it was all flat matte everything. Even the 2005 debut of Calvin Kleins makeup line was totally out – those dewy faces were toeing the line of shine and I was just too gun shy. Now, we all know that I’ve gotten over that in some real ways. I’ve fallen re-in-love with a glitter accent – hello Glitter Smudge! Something about that feels so far past a frosted shadow that it works. So it took a while to face facts. I’m into it. It’s been 15 years. I’m 35. And I want to wear body glitter.

Milk Makeup can get adults into just about anything. The Glitter Stick feels like just enough. I hate myself but yes, I’m going to wear this on my clavicle. Just like high school. But no rubbing alcohol smell and no, I won’t layer it with six other body glitters.

hoito milk holographic stick adult glitter hoito howoldistooold
Images via Milk. 

Glossier has a barely there shimmer lip gloss. See photo below. BARELY THERE. Perfect. Birthday Balm Dotcom.

birthday balm dotcom hoito howoldistooold glitter lips for adults
Images via Glossier. 

Not so into the colored glitters, at all. BUT. Make Makeup’s Glitter Eyeshadow in Quartz and the Urban Decay Shadow in Moondust are perfect see through-y, clear-ish, fairy dust-ish non colors that are hard to get on so a little dusting falls on the top of your cheeks.

glitter hoito adult glitters start with eyeshadows howoldistooold urban decay make makeup
Images via Make Makeup and Urban Decay.

So, here we go again! If I end up with crunchy curls from glitter hair gel, someone stop me. (Or don’t? Could be good again?)

THE LAB: Soft Chin Sparkle, Round 1

Who here is plagued by a soft chin? It’s not a double chin, necessarily, it’s just not a super defined chin. And, short of a face lift or something, it’s just ALWAYS GOING TO BE SOFT. It is also, brace yourself, only getting worse, thanks. What, short of constantly rolling your tongue to the roof of your mouth or gluing the back of your hand to your chin, can you EVEN DOOOO?

Why are you even troubling yourself over this? Glitter fixes EVERYTHING.

This is an introductory tutorial, because the first attempt was a near-win (or near-miss, depending on whether you’re the kind of person who sees your chin as half-chiseled or half-saggy). But of course, not every trip into the LAB is a total success – perfection takes time, and you’ve had this soft chin, or the makings of it anyway, all your saggy life.

SOFT CHIN SPARKLE EXPERIMENT, ROUND 1

Materials:
– Petroleum jelly
– Fine glitter
– Makeup brush
– Surprise element (optional) I used these plastic Martha Stewart scrapbooking flowers

STEP 1: Liberally apply a layer of petroleum jelly to your soft, old lady chin and down into your neck. Full coverage is essential.

STEP 2: Dip your makeup brush into the glitter and gently dab all over, being sure to cover all of the petroleum jellied surfaces.

STEP 3: WHOA. This looks like a sparkling, three o’ clock shadow, but way prettier. You and your soft chin look GREAT.

STEP 4: Dab a bit of spirit gum to the back of your “surprise element” [plastic flowers] and wait until tacky.

STEP 5: Apply to skin. Hold in place until adhered. Repeat as needed, traveling down into the neck, but avoiding the soft chin area.

STEP 6: Assess. Does your soft chin look defined? YES. But do you maybe need more glitter to provide better coverage and make the flowers look less like tumors? ALSO YES.

THE VERDICT:

Am I too old to wear glitter and flowers all over my soft chin? NO. I LOOK GREAT. However … the application could definitely be improved. Next time, I’ll bring the glitter down much farther into my neck, perhaps even the décolletage, and scatter the flowers a bit lower as well. I’ll also go much heavier on the glitter application up top, softly fading into nothing. Overall, I think this will definitely accomplish what’s desired – a more defined chin – it just needs a little tweaking. But HELLO, there is no denying that regardless of the misses here, my chin looks fine AF.

Will these changes be all it takes to bring this from a near-miss to a total win?? Find out in ROUND 2!