Carts: Glitter Makeup? Yeah, let’s do it again!

We were in high school in the late 90’s. So we DID glitter makeup. A lot of sheens, remember sheens? Frosted lips, frosted eyes. Shimmery glosses.

Somewhere along the line though, ’96? ’97? For sure by 1998, things had gotten way out of hand. I went to dances arms absolutely crusted with body glitter. First generation body glitters, the ones that were gel based/smelled terribly of rubbing alcohol/made your skin super tight as soon as it dried. We layered them carefully for size and color. AND THEN. Glitter eyeliner over the frosty eye shadow, glitter mascara, frosty lips. As if the frosty elements were a subtle counterpart to the more ostentatious glitter layers. I mean.

It was bound to happen. Somewhere in the early 2000 on the way out the door I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and for the next decade and a half it was all flat matte everything. Even the 2005 debut of Calvin Kleins makeup line was totally out – those dewy faces were toeing the line of shine and I was just too gun shy. Now, we all know that I’ve gotten over that in some real ways. I’ve fallen re-in-love with a glitter accent – hello Glitter Smudge! Something about that feels so far past a frosted shadow that it works. So it took a while to face facts. I’m into it. It’s been 15 years. I’m 35. And I want to wear body glitter.

Milk Makeup can get adults into just about anything. The Glitter Stick feels like just enough. I hate myself but yes, I’m going to wear this on my clavicle. Just like high school. But no rubbing alcohol smell and no, I won’t layer it with six other body glitters.

hoito milk holographic stick adult glitter hoito howoldistooold
Images via Milk. 

Glossier has a barely there shimmer lip gloss. See photo below. BARELY THERE. Perfect. Birthday Balm Dotcom.

birthday balm dotcom hoito howoldistooold glitter lips for adults
Images via Glossier. 

Not so into the colored glitters, at all. BUT. Make Makeup’s Glitter Eyeshadow in Quartz and the Urban Decay Shadow in Moondust are perfect see through-y, clear-ish, fairy dust-ish non colors that are hard to get on so a little dusting falls on the top of your cheeks.

glitter hoito adult glitters start with eyeshadows howoldistooold urban decay make makeup
Images via Make Makeup and Urban Decay.

So, here we go again! If I end up with crunchy curls from glitter hair gel, someone stop me. (Or don’t? Could be good again?)

THE LAB: DIY MIU MIU GLITTER SUNGLASSES

A couple years ago I went to the wedding of my dearest Italian cousin. She got married in a cathedral close to the beach in her little Italian resort town. My main man and I tacked a few days on the front end of the trip and went to Capri. (Those are my favorite sentences I have ever written.) We did all the stuff – walked the gardens, drank cappuccinos in cobblestones squares, swam in the Blue Grotto, and OF COURSE shopped and shopped. I must have tried on and NOT bought 50 pairs of round glitter Miu Miu Sunglasses.So when we hit up Target to get Veronica some Fendi lookalikes and I saw these hideous sunglasses, I knew just what to do.

Materials:

  • Target Round Sunglasses
  • Glitters in many sizes
  • Mod Podge, Original
  • Mixing Bowls
  • Small detail paint brush
  • Washi Tape (Or just be really careful)

As always, the hardest part for me was deciding on the Glitter Mix. The Miu Mius I saw came in all kinds – straight black glitter; chunky, big white glitters; opaques and clear pastels; ombres… Paralyzed with indecision, I made two Mixes. One black base, lots of silver glitter (comparison above, I used the left. The middle has rainbow reflections and the right was too white.) Then added lots of chunky flake silver. (Was this a bad idea? The larger flakes were tough to work around.) The second was a black base as well, this time with white glitter and small white sequins. Add the Mod Podge in tiny drops until you get a very thick glitter paste.

Black, Silver add ins.  Black, Silver add ins. Black, white add ins.  Black, white add ins.

STILL unable to decide, I tested them. With a leap of faith, I went with the original plan – Black with ALL the silvers.

I also taped off the sunglasses so as not to have a repeat of the DIY Rodarte Nails Disaster of 2017. I am a messy maker.

The glitter mix should be THICK. Always start with the glitter and add the paint/gel/Mod Podge in small doses. Otherwise, you generally end up with a thinner glitter ratio. Becuase it’s so thick, you will have to use a stippling technique – dab on the glitter mix building some volume and very slowly make your way around. Do not use paint strokes and try to coat moving side to side. Some of the flakes in the mix I went were too big, so I just worked around them.

Continue around until covered. I waited 20 minutes for it to set (this is the magic when all the grey of the Mod Podge dries and you are left with your glitter crystalized hardened texture.) I did a second coat to even out the volume. Let dry. DONE!

Peel your tape off and put on face.

(It is VERY hard to take a photo of mirrored sunglasses.)

I am very happy with the results. I think I will buy a second pair of those terrible sunglasses and make a pink version. I should, right?

Carts: FESTIVAL EDITION (Don’t worry, still for old people.)

This blog is not a blog that says WE ARE NOT TOO OLD FOR ANYTHING EVER. We are not trying to BE 20 year olds, or look like 20 years olds; we are simply embracing being 30 plus year olds. So, when we ARE too old, we say it.

WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THE “FESTIVAL” TAB.

Be it on H&M, Asos, or Barney’s, I’m not doing it. (OK, fine. We’d probably wear the Isabel Marant and Valentino from the Barney’s Festival page.) But hard pass to the bulk of it. To be honest though, I don’t really get why. We LIKE sequins. We sometimes like fringe. We like flares and neon, cut offs and vintage. WHY when it comes to festivals does it look like sometime took all those things, added crochet and western wear and a strong dose of cultural appropriation (Teen Vogue at it again with the real talk HERE), threw it in a blender, and when it came out a terrible stringy mess thought “I’ll just add platforms and tinted sunglasses!”

Actually, again, I like platforms and tinted sunglasses? WHAT HAPPENS? It truly is a mystery to me. Something about loving the parts, hating the sum of the parts. Maybe it’s just basic math and I’m missing it. Love THIS. Hate THIS. So there we are.

Wholly on the plus side, however: the rise of festival culture, is it a culture?, has also given rise to some just plain FUN body accouterments.* How far do you want to go, fellow too old for festival tab person?

Let’s dip our toe in first, shall we? Hello Mr. Kate!

Images via Mr. Kate.  Images via Mr. Kate.

AWWWWW. How sweet are these little cutie metallic freckle?! “The cutest.” is the answer. The actual cutest.  Mr. Kate makes all kinds of jewelry and bags and what not, but is really SHINING with the Beauty Marks collection. Glittery flecks to scatter around your cheeks, or the Confetti, a more multi purpose glitter accent.

Application: Temporary tattoos.

Result: Cheek pinch inducing cuteness of a Disney doe.

Collaboration: None (yet).

Ready for a little more is more? Hey there, Body Bauble!

Images via Body Bauble.  Images via Body Bauble.

Body Bauble has more of a stick on application reminicist of high school dances and the first wave of “body jewelry” in the 90’s. (Don’t you just always miss the 90’s?) You’d dive into a pile a body glitter, roll around a bit, then decide that your shoulder just needed a bit, more? Crystal star made of rhinestones from Claires? Exactly the thing. And we’ve walked ourselves right back there with a slightly chicer (but also then slightly more boring, yeah?) metallic and pearl stick ons. Plenty of the cheek/eye gems as well, but something about this just misses the upbeat, FUN! part of this. You think?

Application: Peel and Stick.

Result: A more grown up version of your junior year Turnabout. TOO grown up?

Collaboration: Chain Smokers. :

AND JUST GO FOR IT!!! WhoaMG, Gypsy Shrine!

Images via Gypsy Shrine.  Images via Gypsy Shrine.

Do not hold back. Do not hold back and THEN ADD MORE. Seems to be the motto at Gypsy Shrine, and I for one am NOT mad about it. There is something so unrestrained and so utterly insane, and so FUN!, that nothing else seems to matter. Look like you are trying to hard? Hell yeah you do, and you don’t give A. F. Showing a lot, shining a lot, being so extra you probably find glitter in your bed, bathroom, shoes, closet, kitchen for the foreseeable future? Into it! Caveat: I am too old for the Boob Jewels. 100% too old. It’s OK, not everything is for me. Let the barely legals LIVE. Maybe I’m more into the idea of it then I actually want to try myself. Either way, YES GYPSY SHRINE.

Application: Peel and stick.

Result: Add their glitters to your hair and body and you’ve got a straight up Burning Man aspirational teen mermaid riding a unicorn up a rainbow. With some sea punk thrown in.

Collaboration: Sophie Hannah Richardson. Duh.

Some of these, if placed carefully, would be excellent Botox Alternatives, though they were not made with my wrinkles in mind. Really living for this moment in time when it is acceptable to shine bright by ACTUALLY shining. Festival or not, this summer, we will be out there glittering.

*Have to be extra clear: Tribal in any way, bindis, headdresses, and pretending you are a cartoon Pochantas EDM princess = PUKE.