Carts: Glitter Makeup? Yeah, let’s do it again!

We were in high school in the late 90’s. So we DID glitter makeup. A lot of sheens, remember sheens? Frosted lips, frosted eyes. Shimmery glosses.

Somewhere along the line though, ’96? ’97? For sure by 1998, things had gotten way out of hand. I went to dances arms absolutely crusted with body glitter. First generation body glitters, the ones that were gel based/smelled terribly of rubbing alcohol/made your skin super tight as soon as it dried. We layered them carefully for size and color. AND THEN. Glitter eyeliner over the frosty eye shadow, glitter mascara, frosty lips. As if the frosty elements were a subtle counterpart to the more ostentatious glitter layers. I mean.

It was bound to happen. Somewhere in the early 2000 on the way out the door I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and for the next decade and a half it was all flat matte everything. Even the 2005 debut of Calvin Kleins makeup line was totally out – those dewy faces were toeing the line of shine and I was just too gun shy. Now, we all know that I’ve gotten over that in some real ways. I’ve fallen re-in-love with a glitter accent – hello Glitter Smudge! Something about that feels so far past a frosted shadow that it works. So it took a while to face facts. I’m into it. It’s been 15 years. I’m 35. And I want to wear body glitter.

Milk Makeup can get adults into just about anything. The Glitter Stick feels like just enough. I hate myself but yes, I’m going to wear this on my clavicle. Just like high school. But no rubbing alcohol smell and no, I won’t layer it with six other body glitters.

hoito milk holographic stick adult glitter hoito howoldistooold
Images via Milk. 

Glossier has a barely there shimmer lip gloss. See photo below. BARELY THERE. Perfect. Birthday Balm Dotcom.

birthday balm dotcom hoito howoldistooold glitter lips for adults
Images via Glossier. 

Not so into the colored glitters, at all. BUT. Make Makeup’s Glitter Eyeshadow in Quartz and the Urban Decay Shadow in Moondust are perfect see through-y, clear-ish, fairy dust-ish non colors that are hard to get on so a little dusting falls on the top of your cheeks.

glitter hoito adult glitters start with eyeshadows howoldistooold urban decay make makeup
Images via Make Makeup and Urban Decay.

So, here we go again! If I end up with crunchy curls from glitter hair gel, someone stop me. (Or don’t? Could be good again?)

Carts: FESTIVAL EDITION (Don’t worry, still for old people.)

This blog is not a blog that says WE ARE NOT TOO OLD FOR ANYTHING EVER. We are not trying to BE 20 year olds, or look like 20 years olds; we are simply embracing being 30 plus year olds. So, when we ARE too old, we say it.

WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THE “FESTIVAL” TAB.

Be it on H&M, Asos, or Barney’s, I’m not doing it. (OK, fine. We’d probably wear the Isabel Marant and Valentino from the Barney’s Festival page.) But hard pass to the bulk of it. To be honest though, I don’t really get why. We LIKE sequins. We sometimes like fringe. We like flares and neon, cut offs and vintage. WHY when it comes to festivals does it look like sometime took all those things, added crochet and western wear and a strong dose of cultural appropriation (Teen Vogue at it again with the real talk HERE), threw it in a blender, and when it came out a terrible stringy mess thought “I’ll just add platforms and tinted sunglasses!”

Actually, again, I like platforms and tinted sunglasses? WHAT HAPPENS? It truly is a mystery to me. Something about loving the parts, hating the sum of the parts. Maybe it’s just basic math and I’m missing it. Love THIS. Hate THIS. So there we are.

Wholly on the plus side, however: the rise of festival culture, is it a culture?, has also given rise to some just plain FUN body accouterments.* How far do you want to go, fellow too old for festival tab person?

Let’s dip our toe in first, shall we? Hello Mr. Kate!

Images via Mr. Kate.  Images via Mr. Kate.

AWWWWW. How sweet are these little cutie metallic freckle?! “The cutest.” is the answer. The actual cutest.  Mr. Kate makes all kinds of jewelry and bags and what not, but is really SHINING with the Beauty Marks collection. Glittery flecks to scatter around your cheeks, or the Confetti, a more multi purpose glitter accent.

Application: Temporary tattoos.

Result: Cheek pinch inducing cuteness of a Disney doe.

Collaboration: None (yet).

Ready for a little more is more? Hey there, Body Bauble!

Images via Body Bauble.  Images via Body Bauble.

Body Bauble has more of a stick on application reminicist of high school dances and the first wave of “body jewelry” in the 90’s. (Don’t you just always miss the 90’s?) You’d dive into a pile a body glitter, roll around a bit, then decide that your shoulder just needed a bit, more? Crystal star made of rhinestones from Claires? Exactly the thing. And we’ve walked ourselves right back there with a slightly chicer (but also then slightly more boring, yeah?) metallic and pearl stick ons. Plenty of the cheek/eye gems as well, but something about this just misses the upbeat, FUN! part of this. You think?

Application: Peel and Stick.

Result: A more grown up version of your junior year Turnabout. TOO grown up?

Collaboration: Chain Smokers. :

AND JUST GO FOR IT!!! WhoaMG, Gypsy Shrine!

Images via Gypsy Shrine.  Images via Gypsy Shrine.

Do not hold back. Do not hold back and THEN ADD MORE. Seems to be the motto at Gypsy Shrine, and I for one am NOT mad about it. There is something so unrestrained and so utterly insane, and so FUN!, that nothing else seems to matter. Look like you are trying to hard? Hell yeah you do, and you don’t give A. F. Showing a lot, shining a lot, being so extra you probably find glitter in your bed, bathroom, shoes, closet, kitchen for the foreseeable future? Into it! Caveat: I am too old for the Boob Jewels. 100% too old. It’s OK, not everything is for me. Let the barely legals LIVE. Maybe I’m more into the idea of it then I actually want to try myself. Either way, YES GYPSY SHRINE.

Application: Peel and stick.

Result: Add their glitters to your hair and body and you’ve got a straight up Burning Man aspirational teen mermaid riding a unicorn up a rainbow. With some sea punk thrown in.

Collaboration: Sophie Hannah Richardson. Duh.

Some of these, if placed carefully, would be excellent Botox Alternatives, though they were not made with my wrinkles in mind. Really living for this moment in time when it is acceptable to shine bright by ACTUALLY shining. Festival or not, this summer, we will be out there glittering.

*Have to be extra clear: Tribal in any way, bindis, headdresses, and pretending you are a cartoon Pochantas EDM princess = PUKE.

STRONG LOOK: Molly(s) in the Mirror(s)

BCBG Malika Dress, TopShop heels.  BCBG Malika Dress, TopShop heels.

It’s been a dream of mine to be in a saleswomen’s BOOK. In this dream, a gorgeous and kind of mean lady who works in high end, luxury retail drops me a line every now again… “Molly, put aside these Dior Boudoir Slippers for you…,” “Hey Mols, did you get the package I sent? With the Valentino Maxi and the Araks silk jammies? Just send back what you don’t want.” Phone calls to inform me of upcoming sales, little treasures plucked out just for me, getting bullied (in the NICEST way) into racking up massive credit card bills while sorting through these season’s Derek Lam. You know, just a regular CLIENT OF SHOPPING.

In reality, there is a very sweet and not intimidating at all women named Jeanine who works at the BCBG factory store at the Lighthouse Mall in Michigan City, Indiana. AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE I. AM. IN. HER. BOOK. (Celebratory emoji here.) Jeanine calls me to tell me when there is going to be a clearance sale or when… actually, that’s basically it. BUT. She knows my name! And starts a fitting room for me! And rings me up and asks about my mom, Mimi! She always wears a leather jacket (managers there are required to wear three pieces) and knows my sizes. I LOVE HER. AND IT’S CLOSING. (Cry face emoji here, the real one not the laugh cry one, though both probably make sense for this situation.) The backbone of my work wardrobe comes from here. At least 50% of my Make A Wish Ball dresses have come from here (last years black crew neck extra long sleeve witch dress, I’m looking at you). And she’s the only one who’s ever called. A real heartbreak.

SO. Man, did Mimi and I ever shop. I picked up this purple jacquard drop waist flounce dress for a steal. AND got the matching top. (I tried to wear it OVER the dress but it crossed into Robot Costume/Fembot (are those the same thing?) territory.) When I went to Versailles this past weekend to wander the gardens and dip into the Hall of Mirrors, I wanted to bounce a reflection back into infinity of 1) This magical ice purple brocade and 2) My undying appreciation for Jeanine and the store that gave me my first adult work wardrobe that didn’t make me look like I was wearing a secratary costume and 3) My grief at knowing the era is over and it will likely be decades before the phone rings again and I answer to “Molly? Just wanted to let you know….”

NARS eyepaint in Interstellar.  NARS eyepaint in Interstellar.

RELATED NEWS: I rarely leave the house anymore without painting the tips of my ears. You shouldn’t either. Makes you feel like magic, even when you feel like crying. (SOBS *jeanine!* SOBS.)

Don’t forget to enter the Glitter Smudge Giveaway! Details here.

PAPER DOLL: MAXI LOOKS + LAB: ALDI + GIVEAWAY!!

Cool. I am so far behind in my posts that I honestly can’t decide which topic on my list should be addressed first, so I’ve decided to multi-task by clumping a few together into this one confusing post, which should give me both a sense of accomplishment and perhaps also the motivation to be more productive in the future. Ta da!

1. PAPER DOLL: Maxi Dress Looks

At some point, somewhere on here, I mentioned how I’ve wanted a flowing, sweeping maxi dress for literally a decade or something, and then announced that 2017 was going to be THE YEAR I FINALLY BOUGHT ONE. I’ve since been on the search for something worthy of such an honor, and I’m really struggling, because I’m not just looking for ANY OL’ MAXI DRESS. My dress needs to be part 1970’s Studio 54 (but in a beautiful non-poly fabric), part witch (but not really), maybe black (but definitely floral), super flowing (but with a fitted bodice), the most special thing anyone has ever seen (but casual enough that I can wear it with a denim jacket at parties in boring Chicago (but also dressed up when visiting other cities)). Basically I want a Valentino. But here I am trying on some other options:

JUST KIDDING THAT DRESS DOESN’T EXIST. I just spent two hours scouring the internet, hating everything. Everything was terrible and not at all what I was imagining for myself, but I did find this amazing dress for Molly (non-maxi). I’ll just put off writing some more blog posts, so I can make this dream dress myself, and show you the end result, clumped together with an Adult Contemporary and Effortless or something. Ohmigod, make your own stupid dress! So effortless!

2. THE LAB: Aldi anti-wrinkle creams

Hello, have you heard about Aldi’s anti-wrinkle day and night creams??? THEY ARE FOUR DOLLARS EACH. Normally, I wouldn’t even consider a grocery store face cream, but a friend wrote something about it on Facebook, and I did a little googling, and the reviews were so bonkers positive that I got my kid dressed before noon for once and ran to the store.

I used the night cream first, and forgot all about it until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the next morning. HELLO, GORGEOUS. To be honest, my skin was super tired and dehydrated, and I think this probably just RE-hydrated it, but all the same, $4 is completely insane, and even if I hate this on my face after a week, I fully plan to use it all over my body. I have a long face and long neck and always feel like I go through my expensive products too fast, because of the endless surface area, but hopefully I can use this on my neck and chest (and hands and arms and legs) and save the pricier stuff for my face wrinkles. Anyway … will follow up after a couple of weeks for an update!

3. IT’S A GIVEAWAY!!

You know what works even better on your wrinkles than anything an international budget-conscious grocery store chain could ever dream?

The Glitter Smudge Kit!! No further testing is needed – we KNOW this stuff works – and we want you to experience the life-changing moment of covering that deep crevice between your brows in a cloud of sparkle. We’re gifting one kit to a very lucky old person – can’t wait to announce the winner on 4/7!

How to enter:
Everyone knows once you’ve hit 30, it’s really hard to even SEE you – let alone take notice and acknowledge your presence – so we need you to make a lot of noise and fuss.
1. Leave a comment here (1 entry)
2. Leave a Facebook comment with the hashtag #glittersmudge (1 entry)
3. Follow us on Instagram and comment #glittersmudge on any image (1 entry)
4. Mention the contest on your Twitter or Instagram with #glittersmudge (1 entry each)
5. Regram one of our Instagram glitter smudge pics with #glittersmudge (2 entries each)
6. Mention the contest on your blog with a link back here (3 entries) – be sure to let us know about it!
7. Draw #glittersmudge on your face in permanent marker and share on your Instagram with #glittersmudge in the caption (5 entries)
8. Use the same marker to circle and draw arrows highlighting all of your wrinkles and saggy bits on instagram with #help #send #glittersmudge (6 entries)

There is no limit to the amount of entries – go live your life and do what you want. We’ll draw a name and announce the winner on 4/7!

SHOP HOITO: Glitter Smudge Kit Available Now!

Pull back your wrinkles, we’ve got some major news!!

Are you tired of staring at that depressing ditch running down between your brows? Did you try one of these super daring trends for 20-year-olds and now your old NKOTB t-shirt is totally lost, probably after being sucked up into the cavernous folds of your middle forehead? Have you been thinking about attempting Molly’s glitter smudge, but you’re worried about proper mixing and application with your shaky hands?

Well, after months of intense scientific research and testing, we are thrilled to announce that we’ve finally perfected a method to make your pesky furrow completely disappear under a dusting of sparkle and magic.

Introducing … the Glitter Smudge kit!

We’ve carefully designed a couture mix of glitters, formulated specifically for those old lady indicator lines, and paired it with an all-natural smudge stick and super precise template. Packaged together in a party envelope, this kit looks great on you AND your friends.

LEARN MORE!

Quantities are V limited! SHOP NOW!

THE LAB: HOITO at Cowshed at Soho House Chicago

Last week, we were SO EXCITED to bring The Lab to The People! Cowshed at Soho House hosted us for a night of Botox Alternatives and the glitter was FLYING.

Youth Serum.  Youth Serum.

After one of Cowshed’s resident experts on all things skin care talked about how to keep that youthful glow, Veronica and I got to take a good look at the women assembled. A LOT of really great wrinkles out there. A few twenty something managed to get past the velvet rope, but after we found out they were architects, we let them stay. That job sounds HARD and nothing invites a deep furrow like a stressful job. As Doctors of #Science, we wanted to take this opportunity to impart what we’ve learned. Our intensive, data driven research has turned up a few things: A Crystal Ear WILL make you feel great about a previously dismissed body part; a Glitter Smudge WILL absolutely take years off your face; Youth Serum will always make you look good but more importantly the more Youth Serum you can convince other people to drink, the better you will look to them. It’s all right there in the charts with dots and lines. And always in The Lab – Start with a completly clean face, absolutely covered in makeup.) And then get to work.

There are two paths to a Botox Alternative. After zeroing in on what you are not living for, decide if you’d like to CONCEAL (Glitter Smudge, Soft Chin Sparkle, Et Cetera) or DISTRACT (Crystal Ear, Suprasternal Notch Flash, Et Cetera.) I like to patch test everything to see how the textures and colors will mesh. Above: NK went with a silver base and we built in some texture with rhinestones and metallic flowers climbing her clavicle. Just GORGEOUS. Megan (the previously mentioned teen who snuck in), had not a thing to cover so we used pink and crinkle cut opalecenent flakes to highlight her eyes. STUNNING. And Lena believes herself to have a cross hatched crows feet situation. (This was unable to be confirmed in The Lab.) We used whites and coral seed glitter to cover the area she claims to find the cross hatch. BREATH TAKING.

Everyone left looking DECADES younger. We had planned on getting some drinks after, but who would serve alcohol to a bunch of teens? We CAN NOT wait to have you back in The Lab!

Thanks to Soho House and Cowshed for being such amazing hosts, thanks to Shannon O’Brien for the GREAT photos, and all the love to all your beauties who came out and embraced growing old gracefully (and with glitter.) XOXOXO

THE LAB: Glitter Smudge

I have preeeeettttyyyy terrible eyesight. I got my first pair of glasses in third grade but have also been highly adverse to wearing glasses since third grade. Most people think I don’t like them since I ignore them on a routine basis until they realize it’s that I just can’t SEE them. While this allowed me to pass my youth glasses free, it really really dug that mid brow furrow in DEEP. Like my aunts suggested Botox in high school deep. Which was bad enough on a line free face THEN and is a near tragedy now that I’ve for frown lines and emerging crows feet to deal with. I DID actually get Botox once, and will again, but WHOA MONIES. So, while I attempt to claw together some more dollars, it’s time to step into the lab for another Botox Alternative!

GLITTER SMUDGE TUTORIAL

Materials:

  • Clear Lip Gloss (I used Wet & Wild in Crystal Clear, it’s $1.99, but any will do)
  • A selection on your favorite glitters in several sizes (I used a MAC ultra fine loose glitter, a MAC medium glitter, and two chunkier glitters that came with a nail kit. Go bananas. There are no rules in The Lab. (Except the ones below. Follow these rules.))

Instructions:

As always in The Lab, start with a completely clean face; covered in makeup.

Take stock of your problem area and measure your furrow best you can without looking at it took long.

Roughly sketch out the surface area you think you’ll need. Go slightly bigger as your wrinkles are probably worse then you think. 

HERE WE GO, GUYS! Combine glitters starting with a base of the finest glitters and adding volume as you go. For my first go at the Glitter Smudge, I stayed in one color family – icey whites. I used different sizes to get texture and all have different reflective properties. I wasn’t going to use any of the silver because I was afraid it would read too “Ash Wednesday,” BUT then I recalled how youthful Veronica looked when she added those grey flowers to her Floral Garden Forehead, so I threw caution to the wind and ended up adding a big bump of silver onto my snowy glitter mountain. You are already COMPLETELY COVERED in glitter, so just get in there and toss those glitters together. 

Apply lip gloss to furrow. To ensure furrow coverage, do the thing that gave you the furrow in the first place. (I pretended someone was calling my name from across the street and that I was trying v hard to see who it was.) Take care to COMPLETELY cover furrow as well as the surrounding area, and some area around that as well. Do not hold back. Layer several coats until you are sure your furrow is very tacky.

NOW. Pull your hair back. AIM. Dip forehead into glitter circle. 

Find some light and BASK IN YOUR (WRINKLE FREE) BEAUTY!