PAPER DOLLS: Fitness for… Health? Wellness?

Oh hiiiii. There was an earlier version of this. SOORRRYYYY. #oldladies #howoldistoooldforblogging #wellnessweek #inspirationalmotivational

molly veronica how old is too old paper dolls wellness week all the basics hoito.jpg

Molly- All black everything when I am being serious about trying to get sweaty, have been since high school. All black, all basics. Trying out a LNDR Performance Bra,  NikeLab Essential Crew Long Sleeve and Adidas Black Cigarette Pants. If I’m sticking with what I wore when I was actually training, shoes were always Adidas – Pure Boost X TR 2 Sneakers. Veronica, ummmm. Sorry. But– I have no idea. Veronica: DressShoes; bralette, duffels. 

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OLD PEOPLE TRYING OUT GOOGLE HANGOUTS (a lot of Molly not being sure if we were all there).

Veronica: I’M HERE!!

Molly: WHERE AM I?! 

V: There’s my GIRL!

M: OK. Wait. When the banner drops away it just looks like chat.

V: Yeah it’s the same thing, right? I don’t know. TOO OLD TO CARE.

M: So. I started thinking about fitness, etc. and i wondered…. do you fitness? because i just can NOT picture it.

V: Hahaha. I DO NOT. I was super athletic as a teen, but then just started smoking and drinking like everyone else, and liked that better.

M: Do you like your looks?

V: I LOVE THESE LOOKS!!

M: It’s so hard because… have you ever worn a technical fabric? OH YES. The cheerleading! I couldn’t even imagine you sweating so instead I put you in some dresses.

V: Honestly, these are both so perfect for going to a health/private club and eating cobb salad and drinking bubbly rose, without feeling out of place.Without having to actually do anything. They’re perfect! You get me!

M: Exactly! Like if you maybe wanted to do some sun salutations or light stretching or check in for your body work appointment. You hate salad tho. You could get a turkey club?

V: Like, MAY-BE I could jump into an aerobics class, but probably I’ll just slip into the attached spa and get a spray tan. I love cobb salad though. Because it’s basically a sandwich with dressing.

M: I just love learning about you.

V: ❤

veronica hoito workout fitness all the designer howoldistoooldVeronica can’t help but slay at something sports related. She wears a Stella McCartney for Adidas Barricade Dress, and Fuschia Mink Givenchy Slides. So, this is clearly post workout. Pre-workout? Not during the actual work out. Minimal support for minimal effort Body Language Bra Top; San Diego Hat Co. Visor – man, that sun was something fierce out there.

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V: p.s. thank you so much for the pom sun visor. I mean … with the fur slides?? I look SO HEALTHY.
M: you are GLOWING.
V: I mean … I feel REALLY GREAT.
M: YOU. LOOK. GREAT.

molly fitness patterns hoito ivy park versace all the workouts

I am VERY against those shorts that look like skirts. Skorts, but sports related. But, this one was camo and pleated and I figured why not? What I learned was The Upside Camo Shorts are not for me. Ever. However, I’ll take The Upside Sports Bra and all the Ivy Park, including this Logo Crop Hoodie. I want to wear these Yeezy Boost Boots for fitness, work, dates, dancing, living my best life. And when it gets to be too much, Versace Sun Shields for the win.

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V: I love the camo sports bra with just a little pink.

M: This got too out of control. I’d never wear that but i really want to have the camo bra and the Yeezys.

V: The bra is really good. The sweatshirt is good too! The skirt scares me a little.

M: Yeah, i have a deep loathing of workout skirts. I just cant get my head around them. I’m always wanting to fitness more but my grandma knees can’t take it. So I’m resigned to dressing for the fitness i want, not the fitness i can have.

V:Grandma knees are hot right now. The first picture is so exactly us, I can’t handle it. This is exactly how we would meet up, and I would instantly feel too prissy, but still completely myself.

M: And I’d be glowering at you in all black and you’d think it was because you were in a dress but then later you’d figure out i don’t wear my glasses when i work out!

V: HAHAHA.

M: Matching duffles though.

BOB ADAMS: It’s hard for me to comment on the outfits when all I want to do is make these little ladies walk around like dolls.

PAPER DOLLS: Sonia Rykiel F/W 2017 Pre-Collection

What IS a “pre-collection” anyway? Is it, like, a collection and everything, but they’re still thinking about it? I mean, the deed is done, Sonia – EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. It’s also all for sale – along with some other collections/pre-collections/double-half-collections – so I am genuinely confused, but not really. We all need at least four collections per season per designer, obvs. I mean, ughs, what else are they supposed to post on Instagram over the next six months anyway?

SPEAKING OF …

This tip comes from reader Sarah B. who sent a private message on the ol’ Insta notifying us that a model on Sonia Rykiel’s feed looked a lot like Molly, and lo and behold …

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 1 _ worn by How Old is Too Old
All background images via Sonia Rykiel

THE ACTUAL SPITTING IMAGE! Molly, you’ve been moonlighting!

Moonlighting as a vicar again. MOLLY!

Vicars are my fave.

And ugh those little poms on the backs of your shoes – cutest. The entire collection is full of tassels and pleating and ruffles and stripes and ALL THE THINGS.

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 17 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Pirates … are everything.

Can-Can entertainers … ARE. EVERYTHING.

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 12 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Micro-pleated, dolman-sleeved, high-necked, ruffled, flared-skirted, tasseled, belted SEPARATES

ARE

EVERYTHING!

Obviously, all of this came out a million years ago, and that’s why I’m tired of the tassels, even though in my heart I love them always and forever. Instagram ruins everything!

Fortunately, Sonia has thought of [see above] e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g and thrown in a few more timeless looks, like these …

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 19 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

… Victorian under-cover gal reporter/consumptive shop keeper/cruel proprietor of a dirty children’s home. So effortless!

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017_ look 24 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Ivory, witchy, drape-y Mrs. Havisham/obligatory 90’s reference/everyone in my high school drama club velvet dress. So romantic!

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 6 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

And of course the beautiful and innocent, but overlooked, daughter of a family friend who never speaks her mind and just quietly allows one misunderstanding after another until the final five pages when the protagonist realizes she’s been there ALL ALONG!

Wait. Did I just live through a Charles Dickens novel?

Sonia Rykiel, you are a genius.

 

PAPER DOLLS: Molly loves a limited edition collection.

I really do. I love things that come out with a big flourish and then are gone in the blink of eye! H&M’s Conscious Collection is reliably pretty with just enough weird to be cool. Usually they use all the regular neutrals and then all the current neutrals, blushes and grays and pinks for now. Quality is a little better, clothes are little more special. I’m all in.

All items H&M Conscious Collection.  All items H&M Conscious Collection.

Molly: Veronica! I put you in this beautiful dress!

Veronica: Ummm. Can I wear the other one?

Molly: The sequin one? Yeah, but look at you! I thought you’d like it because – 

Veronica: I would like to just wear the other one. 

Molly: Oh. OKAY TWINSIES!

She was right, this dress is amazing on her. And next time, I’d size down one to her size too. Looks cuter a little shorter and swing-ier.

I don’t even have to ask, I know Veronica haaaaaaaaattttttttes these shoes. But they are from the H&M Versace Collection and I wanted to stay true to that thing where you go to H&M for the fun thing and then accidentally leave with tights and hair ties and a pair of shoes.

There are a few things I really like in this latest Conscious Collection – duh the Sequin Dress but also the two bags, the Clutch is REAL good (maybe the first wristlet I’ve ever liked? Technically this is a wristlet, right? Ewww, wristlets), and that little Mesh Tote is totally QT. AND I do like Veronica’s original dress but it also has those Malificent is evil but a also still a Disney character vibes. So, not mad.

The shoes though are yuck, right?

PAPER DOLLS: Wearing Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 is all about outerwear, and all of it is everything. Bonnets, tied necklines and VOLUME – it’s there in spades, with a few granny florals thrown in. The minute I got over the Ikea joke, I immediately went to work squeezing and stretching our petite, 35+ bodies into the most incredible runway samples to see how these beauties would look on our slightly wrinkled faces.

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Floral Bonnets

All images via Vogue All images via Vogue

HUH. I’m sort of horrified to say that I think we are, indeed, TOO OLD FOR RUFFLED, FLORAL BONNETS. We look like two elderly ladies in a British mini-series, set in the 18th century countryside, fussing about our cousin’s impropriety and the certain shame it will bring to the family. THIS PAINS ME TO THE CORE, because these ruffled floral bonnets are all I’ve wanted in my life, and I couldn’t wait to get myself into one. I must, begrudgingly, pass.

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Neck Ties + Totes

I am all about denim jackets and ALSO all about a high neck tie, and this jacket is an obvious necessity. It goes without saying that it’s not in the budget, so I’ll be mocking up something similar in the foreseeable future. WILL LET YOU KNOW.

MOLLY, WHAT IS IN THAT BAG??? You are going to hurt your back. LIFT FROM THE KNEES!!

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Outerwear

No really, what the fuck is in these bags??

Unless you live somewhere with excessive rain (Seattle, London, etc), you maybe never really think about a raincoat until you need one. This pink raincoat, HOWEVER, with a tight hood and yet another perfect neck tie is completely amazing and worth remembering. Guessing I’d only want to wear it with that pair of matching pink stirrup pants and matching pink gloves, but that’s fine, because, with the exception of the blue satin kitten-heeled mules, it looks like a super comfy rain outfit. (It also looks like I’d feel exactly like Doris Day the entire time TOO.)

I haven’t discussed with Molly just yet, but willing to bet this giant puffer coat checks all the boxes, and I love just a tiny bit of the top of her beautiful head peeking out. I like to imagine her wearing this to dinner and needing two reservations – one for food, one for coat. Somebody please wear this on an overbooked flight.

The Verdict:

As is usually the case, after a certain age, you can no longer wear things old ladies wear and achieve any sort of irony. FLORAL RUFFLED BONNETS, YOU HAVE BROKEN MY HEART. Everything else looks great though, of course. Can’t wait to steal an idea or two.

Paper Doll: Got you, Veronica.

When my girl wants a dress, I WILL FIND HER THAT DRESS. She thought it was a Valentino she was looking for, and so did I. The description of the dream dress did not lie: maybe black, yes floral, yes maxi, yes witch, yes fitted bodice, yes 70’s, yes special, yes denim jacket-able. I MEAN. That’s a Valentino. But, then, it wasn’t. So, it’s my turn to try to find it.

The only thing is… ummm… V? No floral? BUT JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF!

This Ulla Johnson is EVERYTHING. (Except floral, I knnnoooooooow.) I thought about THIS ONE, but didn’t think it would be so easily worn to all the places in Chicago with denim jackets, on rivieras in other countries with as much ease. Though it may have won out with the fitted bodice and yes, it is floral.

Shoes, obviously a very special sandal that can also do the riviera/denim jacket circuit, the most amazing pink metallic Maryam Nassir Zadeh Sophie Sandals. And for the ultimate in versatile accessories, this FRS 3 Geometric Clutch. Bring one, bring three, separate your lipsticks from your credit cards, LIVE YOU LIFE HOW YOU WANT TO.

And Veronica, now that this case is CLOSED, you can go live yours.

HOITONS: What are you looking for? Can I find it for you?

PS: Best block heel ever made on sale HERE.

PAPER DOLLS: Molly 1.0

On Molly: PASKAL polka dot flocked tulle dress - Net-a-Porter; Embellished flats - ASOS; Pom choker - Topshop
On Molly: PASKAL polka dot flocked tulle dress – Net-a-Porter; Embellished flats – ASOS; Pom choker – Topshop

Whoa whoa whoa. We have a really great Botox Alternative lined up for tomorrow, but we couldn’t wait to share this Molly Paper Doll with you, because THAT DRESS and THOSE ACCESSORIES. Everything is on sale, so obvs, like we said, we COULDN’T WAIT.

V: DID YOU SEE YOUR PAPER DOLL?

M: I DID AND I DIED. I feel like you are really appreciating my love of volume and then, more VOLUME.

V: I want you to know how much I want that dress. I want it so bad, I immediately dropped everything to put it on you. You look AMAZING.

M: YOU want that dress? Why didn’t you put it on YOU? It’s the volume, isn’t it?

V:  I maybe tried putting it on myself first. 

M: oh I SEE.

PASKAL at Net-a-Porter
PASKAL at Net-a-Porter

V: Because I tried putting you in this one FIRST: 

It was … unPaperDollable.

M: I would have feelings about your castoffs except I have been trying to fit you in feathered Prada pants…. after I tried them on me and was NO.

V: HAHAHA. MORE FEATHERED PRADA PANTS PLEASE.

M: That red swiss dot! heart emojis!

V: I KNOW! So Molly Cake

M: (Is that swiss dot? I have no idea. I’m not a designer.)

V: (yes)

[Editor: No. It’s flocked polka dots.]

M: I might give that one another go later. 

V: They are both on sale right now – maybe REAL LIFE PAPER DOLLS??

M: IRL PD?! Can we talk about the pom neck piece?!

V: I knew you would love that. It’s $9 at TopShop!!

M: It’s everyth– WUT. It’s as good as mine then. I wonder why it’s on sale?? No one else wanted a pink pom pom on their neck?

V: You prob shouldn’t be buying things online in an airplane, but I’ll wait, if you want to go grab it.

[Editor: Molly is on a plane again.]

M: It’s already in my cart.

V: I love you. And Molly? YOU LOOK GREAT.

Botox Alternative tomorrow. Promise!