PAPER DOLLS: Fitness for… Health? Wellness?

Oh hiiiii. There was an earlier version of this. SOORRRYYYY. #oldladies #howoldistoooldforblogging #wellnessweek #inspirationalmotivational

molly veronica how old is too old paper dolls wellness week all the basics hoito.jpg

Molly- All black everything when I am being serious about trying to get sweaty, have been since high school. All black, all basics. Trying out a LNDR Performance Bra,  NikeLab Essential Crew Long Sleeve and Adidas Black Cigarette Pants. If I’m sticking with what I wore when I was actually training, shoes were always Adidas – Pure Boost X TR 2 Sneakers. Veronica, ummmm. Sorry. But– I have no idea. Veronica: DressShoes; bralette, duffels. 

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OLD PEOPLE TRYING OUT GOOGLE HANGOUTS (a lot of Molly not being sure if we were all there).

Veronica: I’M HERE!!

Molly: WHERE AM I?! 

V: There’s my GIRL!

M: OK. Wait. When the banner drops away it just looks like chat.

V: Yeah it’s the same thing, right? I don’t know. TOO OLD TO CARE.

M: So. I started thinking about fitness, etc. and i wondered…. do you fitness? because i just can NOT picture it.

V: Hahaha. I DO NOT. I was super athletic as a teen, but then just started smoking and drinking like everyone else, and liked that better.

M: Do you like your looks?

V: I LOVE THESE LOOKS!!

M: It’s so hard because… have you ever worn a technical fabric? OH YES. The cheerleading! I couldn’t even imagine you sweating so instead I put you in some dresses.

V: Honestly, these are both so perfect for going to a health/private club and eating cobb salad and drinking bubbly rose, without feeling out of place.Without having to actually do anything. They’re perfect! You get me!

M: Exactly! Like if you maybe wanted to do some sun salutations or light stretching or check in for your body work appointment. You hate salad tho. You could get a turkey club?

V: Like, MAY-BE I could jump into an aerobics class, but probably I’ll just slip into the attached spa and get a spray tan. I love cobb salad though. Because it’s basically a sandwich with dressing.

M: I just love learning about you.

V: ❤

veronica hoito workout fitness all the designer howoldistoooldVeronica can’t help but slay at something sports related. She wears a Stella McCartney for Adidas Barricade Dress, and Fuschia Mink Givenchy Slides. So, this is clearly post workout. Pre-workout? Not during the actual work out. Minimal support for minimal effort Body Language Bra Top; San Diego Hat Co. Visor – man, that sun was something fierce out there.

———————
V: p.s. thank you so much for the pom sun visor. I mean … with the fur slides?? I look SO HEALTHY.
M: you are GLOWING.
V: I mean … I feel REALLY GREAT.
M: YOU. LOOK. GREAT.

molly fitness patterns hoito ivy park versace all the workouts

I am VERY against those shorts that look like skirts. Skorts, but sports related. But, this one was camo and pleated and I figured why not? What I learned was The Upside Camo Shorts are not for me. Ever. However, I’ll take The Upside Sports Bra and all the Ivy Park, including this Logo Crop Hoodie. I want to wear these Yeezy Boost Boots for fitness, work, dates, dancing, living my best life. And when it gets to be too much, Versace Sun Shields for the win.

———————

V: I love the camo sports bra with just a little pink.

M: This got too out of control. I’d never wear that but i really want to have the camo bra and the Yeezys.

V: The bra is really good. The sweatshirt is good too! The skirt scares me a little.

M: Yeah, i have a deep loathing of workout skirts. I just cant get my head around them. I’m always wanting to fitness more but my grandma knees can’t take it. So I’m resigned to dressing for the fitness i want, not the fitness i can have.

V:Grandma knees are hot right now. The first picture is so exactly us, I can’t handle it. This is exactly how we would meet up, and I would instantly feel too prissy, but still completely myself.

M: And I’d be glowering at you in all black and you’d think it was because you were in a dress but then later you’d figure out i don’t wear my glasses when i work out!

V: HAHAHA.

M: Matching duffles though.

BOB ADAMS: It’s hard for me to comment on the outfits when all I want to do is make these little ladies walk around like dolls.

FASHION WEEK: Undercover SS18 RTW

Did you guys catch the Undercover SS18 show? DY-ING. The entire show was TWINS, and considering Molly and I cannot spend two weeks apart without our entire equilibriums being thrown off-balance, and each developing shoulder/back issues, migraine headaches and general malaise and crankiness (TRUE STORY), this show could not be better suited to us.

ALSO. CLOTHES.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 RTW - Cindy Sherman and lips dress

Molly. This Cindy Sherman t-shirt dress is charming and comfortable, and I’m loving these Wilma Flintstone earrings and everything, but so help me god, I had BETTER GET A 3-D LIP APPLIQUE DRESS FOR MYSELF BEFORE I SET THIS PLACE ON FIRE.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - fleece denim

It may surprise you to learn that Molly and I get recognized a lot in public (#bloggerlyfe #butfirstcoffee #amiright), and it’s probably because we’re always yelling out hashtags (#bloggerlyfe! #butfirstcoffee! #amiright??), but I’m hopeful it will one day be because we’re wearing coordinating fleece denim outfits where the lining of one is the fabric of the other OHMIGOD ARE THESE REVERSIBLE????

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - metallic midi dress

AAAAGGGGH! TOO OLD! TOO OLD! ABORT! ABORT!

This is exactly what Molly and I would (will) look like if (when) we decide(d) to co-habitate in a lakeside cottage in our 80s. We look like a slightly more haggard elderly Ethel and Lucy. No novelty midi-length sack dresses with hoofed boots and head scarves for us! Until the lake house, obvs.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - sky sweater and skirts
Background images via The Cut | Face images by Anjali Pinto | Makeup by Shannon O’Brien

Only fifty years to go, Mollsyface.

NYFW September 2017 STREET STYLE

Everyone knows assorted fashion weeks are all about STREET STYLE. What did your favorite bloggers wear to wander and pose uninterestedly back and forth in front of photographers scattered across town, to then maybe cram into the back of the standing-room-only sections of the biggest designers’ shows?? Obviously these fashionistas just lazily threw on those casual ballgown/fur coat/mesh-lace bustier/thigh-high stiletto/it-bag looks, because they are the very most comfortable things in their closets. Fashion bloggers, if anything, strive always to show us their VERY REAL LIVES.

Unfortunately for us, the airline lost all five of our LV trunks this season, and Molly and I were forced to run desperately from show to show wearing just the clothes on our backs. The other bloggers scoffed at first, then longed for our sensible shoes, then chased poor Molly through the streets of NYC, grasping desperately at her much-needed lattes.

How Old is Too Old - street style
Source Photo: The Style Stalker

It was such a relief to finally get backstage, where we could but-first-coffee in peace.

How Old is Too Old at NYFW
Source Photo: @vetements_official/Instagram

And then THIS, the worst moment of 2017 …

How Old is Too Old - NYFW SS18 - Zimmerman
Source Photo: Getty Images

… when I mistakenly walked out onto the runway at Zimmerman in my AIRPLANE STREET STYLE CLOTHES, thinking it was the door to the ladies’. To be honest, though, it was a really great view of the show, so I stayed there for the remainder. People LOVE when old ladies do what they want! Worst moment = Best moment!

coffee inspiration

NY Fashion Week S 2018 RTW Review: Day 1

New York Fashion Week. IS. HERE.

And, once again, we are coming to you with live coverage FROM the runways!

As of this moment, Rihanna is winning Fashion Week. To get this out of the way, though, 100% NO to thong heels. Never. My toes are still killing and it’s only Tuesday. Otherwise, all the YES to the rest. Can I wear a french cut bikini bottom? No. Will I try? Yes. Fanny packs, mesh, scuba and sheer plastics. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Get rid of all your Lulu Lemons and Old Navy clearance athletic junk and get some of this. Fenty x Puma, gimmie more. 

Hot pink suede booties and layered bikinis for the win. Thanks for having me, Ri!

rihanna fenty hoito need this look not too old i swear

Has anyone tried curly bangs yet? Besides Taylor Swift? Can you tell me how it went?

rihanna hoito howoldistoo old fenty 2018 super fun super young

I had to sprint across town, skipping avocado toast and juggling all seven of my coffees, to make Tom Ford.  But when he hasn’t shown FOR A YEAR, you show up when he does. Did not disappoint. It felt similar to last season’s Saint Laurent – Extra. In a world where normcore is still hanging on and we all have a closet full of high waisted denim to go with our perfect tees and cos sweatshirts (a look I still love, no doubt), give me something ELSE to put in my closet! Specifically, give me my first look, this barely a dress mini.

tom ford 2018 spring hoito how old is too old minidress sequin

I don’t want to wear anything this fall without shoulder pads after wearing these squares down the runway. (And now I know where Kim K has been getting all her looks the past couple months.) MORE french cut bikinis. Basically, the take away so far is I will shopping for shoulder pads and french cut bikinis in bulk. Perhaps the shoulder pads will allow for the bikini bottoms to look not terrible and is there such a thing as a bikini top with shoulder pads? I digress.

hoito tom ford spring 2018 sheer have to have howoldistooold nyfw review

Two of my favorite looks show jumpsuits are still a thing, and that’s just fine with me. ONLY if they have shoulder pads though.

tom ford all the best jumpsuits hoito howoldistooold never for shoulder pads

Leaving TF and after pounding the runways on some boring AF shows, finally! SOMETHING OTHER THAN FANCY TSHIRT DRESSES (get it together, AWANG.). Silky dresses, all the pastels, sprinkles of texture, ALL the orange lipstick. Sies Marjan has my eyes blinking hearts.

sies marjan nyfw 2018 hoito howoldistooold boldlip MORANGE please more orange

Easy but not BOOORRRRINNNNGGGG. Why is that the hardest thing to do? I may organize my closet by color and only start monochromatic looks. Shoes included, these matching lil platform heels tie it all up in perfect bows.

sies marjan hoito howoldistooold all the orange lipstick

Back to my edgy but modern and also totally charming boutique hotel so I can grab an hour of sleep, another half dozen cups of coffee and catalog tomorrows street style looks!

 

CONVERSATIONS WITH OLD PEOPLE: What is the Best Highlighter?

Perhaps your Facebook feed is full of important issues, but recently mine has become nothing but sponsored videos of people applying contours and highlights to their seemingly “ordinary” faces, transforming into runway models right before my very eyes.

Obviously it’s all entirely fascinating. And what is even more obvious is that these people are using product far superior to my occasional drugstore bronzer/sparkle blush combo impulse purchase (those never work, by the way). These aged eyes cannot make out the products these vloggers quickly wiggle in front of their open palms, nor do I care enough to read through the comments for the answers to my questions. I watch the videos in a Facebook auto-played loop and then check my Instagram for the fiftieth time and go to bed.

Best makeup highlighter 2017
illustration by Molly Marcucci

But I KNOW some of you must have the answers to my shiny (in just the right places) face questions. What do you use? How much does it cost? IS there a drug store option worth trying? And where do I, with my very long oval face, apply it?

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.

PAPER DOLLS: Sonia Rykiel F/W 2017 Pre-Collection

What IS a “pre-collection” anyway? Is it, like, a collection and everything, but they’re still thinking about it? I mean, the deed is done, Sonia – EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. It’s also all for sale – along with some other collections/pre-collections/double-half-collections – so I am genuinely confused, but not really. We all need at least four collections per season per designer, obvs. I mean, ughs, what else are they supposed to post on Instagram over the next six months anyway?

SPEAKING OF …

This tip comes from reader Sarah B. who sent a private message on the ol’ Insta notifying us that a model on Sonia Rykiel’s feed looked a lot like Molly, and lo and behold …

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 1 _ worn by How Old is Too Old
All background images via Sonia Rykiel

THE ACTUAL SPITTING IMAGE! Molly, you’ve been moonlighting!

Moonlighting as a vicar again. MOLLY!

Vicars are my fave.

And ugh those little poms on the backs of your shoes – cutest. The entire collection is full of tassels and pleating and ruffles and stripes and ALL THE THINGS.

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 17 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Pirates … are everything.

Can-Can entertainers … ARE. EVERYTHING.

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 12 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Micro-pleated, dolman-sleeved, high-necked, ruffled, flared-skirted, tasseled, belted SEPARATES

ARE

EVERYTHING!

Obviously, all of this came out a million years ago, and that’s why I’m tired of the tassels, even though in my heart I love them always and forever. Instagram ruins everything!

Fortunately, Sonia has thought of [see above] e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g and thrown in a few more timeless looks, like these …

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 19 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

… Victorian under-cover gal reporter/consumptive shop keeper/cruel proprietor of a dirty children’s home. So effortless!

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017_ look 24 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

Ivory, witchy, drape-y Mrs. Havisham/obligatory 90’s reference/everyone in my high school drama club velvet dress. So romantic!

Sonia Rykiel pre collection fw 2017 _ look 6 _ worn by How Old is Too Old

And of course the beautiful and innocent, but overlooked, daughter of a family friend who never speaks her mind and just quietly allows one misunderstanding after another until the final five pages when the protagonist realizes she’s been there ALL ALONG!

Wait. Did I just live through a Charles Dickens novel?

Sonia Rykiel, you are a genius.

 

CONVERSATIONS WITH OLD PEOPLE: How do you get ALL the mascara off?

conversations with old people hoito how to take mascara off

I LOVE mascara, I truly do. It was the first piece of makeup I really became enamored with and the thing I would pick if I could only have one. If I forget to put it on, I WILL stop at the closest CVS to pick up a new one. My allegiance has varied over the years. There was a nearly decade long run of Diorshow Blackout (until I finally got tired of always have black under my eyes after about twenty minutes of wear), I’ve loved Maybelline Manga (those cartoon ads really spoke to me), and lately I’ve been doing L’oreal Voluminous. I am going to return to the Manga, more black.

ANYWAY. What I don’t understand and can not figure out is: HOW DO YOU GET IT OFF? Not most of it, but ALL OF IT? No matter how much I wash my face, or how many makeup wipes I use, there is always a dusting of it under my eyes in the morning. WTF. What am I missing here? Is there a trick I never learned to truly getting off ALL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE PIECE OF DUST MASCARA?

Tell me, please.

(PS – I tried the L’oreal Extra Volume Collagen and it’s WHOA GREAT. But not worth the hassle. It lasts about 3 days and any attempt to take it off will leave you with a gooey, cakey, rubbery mess. So gross and weird.)