FASHION WEEK: Undercover SS18 RTW

Did you guys catch the Undercover SS18 show? DY-ING. The entire show was TWINS, and considering Molly and I cannot spend two weeks apart without our entire equilibriums being thrown off-balance, and each developing shoulder/back issues, migraine headaches and general malaise and crankiness (TRUE STORY), this show could not be better suited to us.

ALSO. CLOTHES.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 RTW - Cindy Sherman and lips dress

Molly. This Cindy Sherman t-shirt dress is charming and comfortable, and I’m loving these Wilma Flintstone earrings and everything, but so help me god, I had BETTER GET A 3-D LIP APPLIQUE DRESS FOR MYSELF BEFORE I SET THIS PLACE ON FIRE.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - fleece denim

It may surprise you to learn that Molly and I get recognized a lot in public (#bloggerlyfe #butfirstcoffee #amiright), and it’s probably because we’re always yelling out hashtags (#bloggerlyfe! #butfirstcoffee! #amiright??), but I’m hopeful it will one day be because we’re wearing coordinating fleece denim outfits where the lining of one is the fabric of the other OHMIGOD ARE THESE REVERSIBLE????

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - metallic midi dress

AAAAGGGGH! TOO OLD! TOO OLD! ABORT! ABORT!

This is exactly what Molly and I would (will) look like if (when) we decide(d) to co-habitate in a lakeside cottage in our 80s. We look like a slightly more haggard elderly Ethel and Lucy. No novelty midi-length sack dresses with hoofed boots and head scarves for us! Until the lake house, obvs.

How Old is Too Old for Undercover SS18 - sky sweater and skirts
Background images via The Cut | Face images by Anjali Pinto | Makeup by Shannon O’Brien

Only fifty years to go, Mollsyface.

NY Fashion Week S RTW 2018 Review: Day 3

What started off as an action packed day came to a screeching halt when the world fell away, the front rows faded back, and the bright lights rose over the only thing that mattered: DELPOZO.

I was lucky enough to walk the first time in the oooOOOOnnnllly pink woven bow. (Only there is surrounded by pink twinkle hearts and blinky eyes). Pink and red (red orange?) is all over the runways this year and it’s about time. Baby pink and blood red is my favorite color combination after matte black with flat black. ANYWAYS, Delpozo. Magic.

delpozo hoito howoldistooold delpozo spring 2018 the best only thing that matters

V took her turn in one of her own classic favorites – layered mesh and nettings dotted with crystals and paillettes. And doesn’t she look like a dream in this dream? Second question: Does anyone want me to make them raffia slides in neon colors?

delpozo hoito howoldistooold fashion week spring 2018 review

If it’s not shoulder pads this year, and I’m still buying shoulder pads to sew into all my clothes, then a tulle puff shoulder ruffle will suffice. Am I too old for pink tulle? Is it too ten year old at ballet class? I think the slash of neon orange eye liner tempers it and that’s good enough for me. These flats would be a boon for my old knees, but y’all know I can’t do slides. I’ll make them for you all instead.

delpozo hoito howoldistooold fashion week 2018 review we love

You have a favorite show yet? (Besides for Delpozo?)

NYFW September 2017 STREET STYLE

Everyone knows assorted fashion weeks are all about STREET STYLE. What did your favorite bloggers wear to wander and pose uninterestedly back and forth in front of photographers scattered across town, to then maybe cram into the back of the standing-room-only sections of the biggest designers’ shows?? Obviously these fashionistas just lazily threw on those casual ballgown/fur coat/mesh-lace bustier/thigh-high stiletto/it-bag looks, because they are the very most comfortable things in their closets. Fashion bloggers, if anything, strive always to show us their VERY REAL LIVES.

Unfortunately for us, the airline lost all five of our LV trunks this season, and Molly and I were forced to run desperately from show to show wearing just the clothes on our backs. The other bloggers scoffed at first, then longed for our sensible shoes, then chased poor Molly through the streets of NYC, grasping desperately at her much-needed lattes.

How Old is Too Old - street style
Source Photo: The Style Stalker

It was such a relief to finally get backstage, where we could but-first-coffee in peace.

How Old is Too Old at NYFW
Source Photo: @vetements_official/Instagram

And then THIS, the worst moment of 2017 …

How Old is Too Old - NYFW SS18 - Zimmerman
Source Photo: Getty Images

… when I mistakenly walked out onto the runway at Zimmerman in my AIRPLANE STREET STYLE CLOTHES, thinking it was the door to the ladies’. To be honest, though, it was a really great view of the show, so I stayed there for the remainder. People LOVE when old ladies do what they want! Worst moment = Best moment!

coffee inspiration

NY Fashion Week S 2018 RTW Review: Day 1

New York Fashion Week. IS. HERE.

And, once again, we are coming to you with live coverage FROM the runways!

As of this moment, Rihanna is winning Fashion Week. To get this out of the way, though, 100% NO to thong heels. Never. My toes are still killing and it’s only Tuesday. Otherwise, all the YES to the rest. Can I wear a french cut bikini bottom? No. Will I try? Yes. Fanny packs, mesh, scuba and sheer plastics. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Get rid of all your Lulu Lemons and Old Navy clearance athletic junk and get some of this. Fenty x Puma, gimmie more. 

Hot pink suede booties and layered bikinis for the win. Thanks for having me, Ri!

rihanna fenty hoito need this look not too old i swear

Has anyone tried curly bangs yet? Besides Taylor Swift? Can you tell me how it went?

rihanna hoito howoldistoo old fenty 2018 super fun super young

I had to sprint across town, skipping avocado toast and juggling all seven of my coffees, to make Tom Ford.  But when he hasn’t shown FOR A YEAR, you show up when he does. Did not disappoint. It felt similar to last season’s Saint Laurent – Extra. In a world where normcore is still hanging on and we all have a closet full of high waisted denim to go with our perfect tees and cos sweatshirts (a look I still love, no doubt), give me something ELSE to put in my closet! Specifically, give me my first look, this barely a dress mini.

tom ford 2018 spring hoito how old is too old minidress sequin

I don’t want to wear anything this fall without shoulder pads after wearing these squares down the runway. (And now I know where Kim K has been getting all her looks the past couple months.) MORE french cut bikinis. Basically, the take away so far is I will shopping for shoulder pads and french cut bikinis in bulk. Perhaps the shoulder pads will allow for the bikini bottoms to look not terrible and is there such a thing as a bikini top with shoulder pads? I digress.

hoito tom ford spring 2018 sheer have to have howoldistooold nyfw review

Two of my favorite looks show jumpsuits are still a thing, and that’s just fine with me. ONLY if they have shoulder pads though.

tom ford all the best jumpsuits hoito howoldistooold never for shoulder pads

Leaving TF and after pounding the runways on some boring AF shows, finally! SOMETHING OTHER THAN FANCY TSHIRT DRESSES (get it together, AWANG.). Silky dresses, all the pastels, sprinkles of texture, ALL the orange lipstick. Sies Marjan has my eyes blinking hearts.

sies marjan nyfw 2018 hoito howoldistooold boldlip MORANGE please more orange

Easy but not BOOORRRRINNNNGGGG. Why is that the hardest thing to do? I may organize my closet by color and only start monochromatic looks. Shoes included, these matching lil platform heels tie it all up in perfect bows.

sies marjan hoito howoldistooold all the orange lipstick

Back to my edgy but modern and also totally charming boutique hotel so I can grab an hour of sleep, another half dozen cups of coffee and catalog tomorrows street style looks!

 

PAPER DOLLS: Wearing Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 is all about outerwear, and all of it is everything. Bonnets, tied necklines and VOLUME – it’s there in spades, with a few granny florals thrown in. The minute I got over the Ikea joke, I immediately went to work squeezing and stretching our petite, 35+ bodies into the most incredible runway samples to see how these beauties would look on our slightly wrinkled faces.

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Floral Bonnets

All images via Vogue All images via Vogue

HUH. I’m sort of horrified to say that I think we are, indeed, TOO OLD FOR RUFFLED, FLORAL BONNETS. We look like two elderly ladies in a British mini-series, set in the 18th century countryside, fussing about our cousin’s impropriety and the certain shame it will bring to the family. THIS PAINS ME TO THE CORE, because these ruffled floral bonnets are all I’ve wanted in my life, and I couldn’t wait to get myself into one. I must, begrudgingly, pass.

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Neck Ties + Totes

I am all about denim jackets and ALSO all about a high neck tie, and this jacket is an obvious necessity. It goes without saying that it’s not in the budget, so I’ll be mocking up something similar in the foreseeable future. WILL LET YOU KNOW.

MOLLY, WHAT IS IN THAT BAG??? You are going to hurt your back. LIFT FROM THE KNEES!!

Balenciaga Pre-Fall 2017 Outerwear

No really, what the fuck is in these bags??

Unless you live somewhere with excessive rain (Seattle, London, etc), you maybe never really think about a raincoat until you need one. This pink raincoat, HOWEVER, with a tight hood and yet another perfect neck tie is completely amazing and worth remembering. Guessing I’d only want to wear it with that pair of matching pink stirrup pants and matching pink gloves, but that’s fine, because, with the exception of the blue satin kitten-heeled mules, it looks like a super comfy rain outfit. (It also looks like I’d feel exactly like Doris Day the entire time TOO.)

I haven’t discussed with Molly just yet, but willing to bet this giant puffer coat checks all the boxes, and I love just a tiny bit of the top of her beautiful head peeking out. I like to imagine her wearing this to dinner and needing two reservations – one for food, one for coat. Somebody please wear this on an overbooked flight.

The Verdict:

As is usually the case, after a certain age, you can no longer wear things old ladies wear and achieve any sort of irony. FLORAL RUFFLED BONNETS, YOU HAVE BROKEN MY HEART. Everything else looks great though, of course. Can’t wait to steal an idea or two.

NY FASHION WEEK F/W 2017 RTW RECAP: DAY 5

WHAT A WEEK, amirite? Five days, hundreds of shows, dozens of cabs, ALL of the donuts and I still need more coffee. But this is what we came for. Let’s go.

Yeezy Yeezy Yeezy. Same ole pointy toed boots (what is it with his and this silhouette for boots?!), same old monochromatic layers, same slouchy jackets and pants. BUT. Denim? That was cool. Yeezy. After a Jenner dropped out last minute, I was plucked from the front row to stand in. V exciting but as it turned out, you couldn’t even see me. (CLASSIC CAMO JOKE YOU GUYS.)

These slouchy separates I wore at Nili Lotan cover every single base. Are you comfy?  Are you fancy? Are you drowning in volume? Are you strategically nipped to see shape? Are you LIVING FOR BLACK SILK? Yes x One million.

THOM BROWNE WHOA. He was ready for the mad rush of FW and came prepared. The clothes took actual hours to get into but all the makeup was pre-cut cardboard metallic painted press-ons ala Mr Potato Head. I was not mad about it. And this work look just SCREAMS C SUITE. Though the hair SCREAMS LEGO MOVIE.

All images via Vogue.  All images via Vogue.

I was so late to Alice + Olivia, I didn’t have time for a full face – giant sunglasses, a swipe of plum for the lips and I was tripping into my vignette. I was so flustered that I didn’t even notice that the other half of my scene was Veronica, fresh off Marchesa! I accidentally spent the entire time trying to look young and vivacious next to what I only assumed was a barely legal mid american waif. Oops!

NY FASHION WEEK F/W 2017 RTW RECAP: DAY 4

So. Tired. My very old, wrinkled skin can barely stand another day of pulling and primping and painting and needling and taping (you know those weird tabs that pull your temples back into your hair?).

(Actually we need to talk more about those. Has anyone tried them??)

Let’s get started.

All background images via The Cut All background images via The Cut

DELPOZO CAN DO NO WRONG. The details are extraordinary, the fabrics, the volume, the beading, the JEWELED BODY STOCKINGS? Everything is perfect. I wasn’t even supposed to walk this show, but forced my way on stage and stripped the models down right then and there. You didn’t hear about it because, as at the Yeezy Season 5 show, everyone was forbidden to document the event or participate in social media. You know, JUST like Yeezy. These two shows and all of the clothes and art and design are JUST THE SAME. These are all selfies from my camera on a tripod with a timer, if you’re curious. We bloggers know never to go anywhere without a camera on a tripod with a timer!

Seriously though, jeweled body stockings with hoods will be very Veronica 2017. Not waiting for fall/winter though ugh. Also have been thinking a lot about sweeping maxi dresses lately – as in, I’ve been thinking about them constantly for the last decade, but have yet to buy one for myself. Maybe this is the year of my maxi dress??? Why have I denied myself for so long??

Remember when I told you that that beaded lace satin lounging pajama from Elie Saab was basically my inner monologue in real life form? Well if that personality was unavailable, this patent leather turbaned, so many zippers person would emerge to finish the job. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Chiara Boni La Petite Robe. The bellhop luggage rack was a nice touch, but there’s nothing more annoying than being hit in the heels by an empty, unruly cart. Just, you know, future notice is all.

And then onto Marchesa, where these are all the things I like always. The lavender is a naked dress – thank goodness we’re still doing THAT – and the peach is exactly like what I’m wearing right now in my hotel room! Special but casual but hand-beaded and formal, but nightgown-inspired, but definitely not for sleeping, but so comfortable, but not. You know?

Isn’t it so funny when the designer clearly imagined a look on someone with a much lower hairline, and no matter what you do, the clothes just make your face look bizarre and squat and also grossly over-sized? So funny. Happens ALL the time. Anyway, loved both of the looks, but didn’t love my face in either, so … no go?