HOITO’s Guide to the Holidays continues as we dedicate The Lab this month to helping you make it to the New Year in one piece. You already know how to look like a festive yet effortless holiday queen even when you’ll die if you see one more fucking brie wheel or yule log, BUT. You can NOT be walking into these parties with your arms swinging. And this glitter bottle of champagne is $60 bucks!? No no no NO no. What to do? If you’re reading this blog you likely have a pile of cheap bottles of bubbles on hand as well as enough glitter to dip the hell out of them. Get ready for the most mommy-blogger / cheeseball / etsy wannabe / DIY you’ll ever see on this blog. (PS The mommy of HOITO did not write this. Please don’t judge Veronica for this endlessly eye rolly craft project.) LETSGO.
You will need:
- A bottle or two of something cheap. Probably an old bottle of sparkling something that someone brought to your house.
- All the glitters, more fine than chunky.
- Mod Podge
- Paint brushes
Start by assessing the situation. This Champagne Bottle:
Mix your glitters. Fine glitters with equal amount of Mod Podge, as seen here with red, will give you a paintable consistency. Add your glitter first, then Mod Podge, to keep the mess to a minimum. Mix. This particular bottle of champagne will be going with Jorah Mormont The Dog on his Christmas sleepover as a thank you to his hosts. So I started with a red “L”, their last name initial, and then built out a wintery scene from there.
Chunky mixes, like this white I wanted to look like snow, will need to be dappled it. Get some glitter mix on the brush and push into where you want it to go in small, short strokes. Bob Ross* was a first rate dappler, so I use his mantra when crafting – “There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.” It’s glitter, if you mess up, keep going. It will be sparkly and gorgeous!
Oh my god. I can’t even believe I spent twenty minutes making this snowy glitter champagne bottle. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. It’s soooo cheesy. Grandmothers all over America would love to receive this.
I knew I’d never forgive myself for this tackiest of hostess gifts so I immediately made something I could feel a little bit better about. Red bleeding heart on pink flash background, bordered in blue. All fine glitter mixes.
OH HEY!! I see you bleeding heart.
Now let’s see where we are:
HELL YES. Invite me to your party and I will SHOW up – arms full of glittered champagne bottles! Feel free to regift one to your mom.
*In case any young QTs snuck in and don’t know who Bob Ross is – unwind with this video when this years holidays are destroying your will to live.