Carts: FESTIVAL EDITION (Don’t worry, still for old people.)

This blog is not a blog that says WE ARE NOT TOO OLD FOR ANYTHING EVER. We are not trying to BE 20 year olds, or look like 20 years olds; we are simply embracing being 30 plus year olds. So, when we ARE too old, we say it.

WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THE “FESTIVAL” TAB.

Be it on H&M, Asos, or Barney’s, I’m not doing it. (OK, fine. We’d probably wear the Isabel Marant and Valentino from the Barney’s Festival page.) But hard pass to the bulk of it. To be honest though, I don’t really get why. We LIKE sequins. We sometimes like fringe. We like flares and neon, cut offs and vintage. WHY when it comes to festivals does it look like sometime took all those things, added crochet and western wear and a strong dose of cultural appropriation (Teen Vogue at it again with the real talk HERE), threw it in a blender, and when it came out a terrible stringy mess thought “I’ll just add platforms and tinted sunglasses!”

Actually, again, I like platforms and tinted sunglasses? WHAT HAPPENS? It truly is a mystery to me. Something about loving the parts, hating the sum of the parts. Maybe it’s just basic math and I’m missing it. Love THIS. Hate THIS. So there we are.

Wholly on the plus side, however: the rise of festival culture, is it a culture?, has also given rise to some just plain FUN body accouterments.* How far do you want to go, fellow too old for festival tab person?

Let’s dip our toe in first, shall we? Hello Mr. Kate!

Images via Mr. Kate.  Images via Mr. Kate.

AWWWWW. How sweet are these little cutie metallic freckle?! “The cutest.” is the answer. The actual cutest.  Mr. Kate makes all kinds of jewelry and bags and what not, but is really SHINING with the Beauty Marks collection. Glittery flecks to scatter around your cheeks, or the Confetti, a more multi purpose glitter accent.

Application: Temporary tattoos.

Result: Cheek pinch inducing cuteness of a Disney doe.

Collaboration: None (yet).

Ready for a little more is more? Hey there, Body Bauble!

Images via Body Bauble.  Images via Body Bauble.

Body Bauble has more of a stick on application reminicist of high school dances and the first wave of “body jewelry” in the 90’s. (Don’t you just always miss the 90’s?) You’d dive into a pile a body glitter, roll around a bit, then decide that your shoulder just needed a bit, more? Crystal star made of rhinestones from Claires? Exactly the thing. And we’ve walked ourselves right back there with a slightly chicer (but also then slightly more boring, yeah?) metallic and pearl stick ons. Plenty of the cheek/eye gems as well, but something about this just misses the upbeat, FUN! part of this. You think?

Application: Peel and Stick.

Result: A more grown up version of your junior year Turnabout. TOO grown up?

Collaboration: Chain Smokers. :

AND JUST GO FOR IT!!! WhoaMG, Gypsy Shrine!

Images via Gypsy Shrine.  Images via Gypsy Shrine.

Do not hold back. Do not hold back and THEN ADD MORE. Seems to be the motto at Gypsy Shrine, and I for one am NOT mad about it. There is something so unrestrained and so utterly insane, and so FUN!, that nothing else seems to matter. Look like you are trying to hard? Hell yeah you do, and you don’t give A. F. Showing a lot, shining a lot, being so extra you probably find glitter in your bed, bathroom, shoes, closet, kitchen for the foreseeable future? Into it! Caveat: I am too old for the Boob Jewels. 100% too old. It’s OK, not everything is for me. Let the barely legals LIVE. Maybe I’m more into the idea of it then I actually want to try myself. Either way, YES GYPSY SHRINE.

Application: Peel and stick.

Result: Add their glitters to your hair and body and you’ve got a straight up Burning Man aspirational teen mermaid riding a unicorn up a rainbow. With some sea punk thrown in.

Collaboration: Sophie Hannah Richardson. Duh.

Some of these, if placed carefully, would be excellent Botox Alternatives, though they were not made with my wrinkles in mind. Really living for this moment in time when it is acceptable to shine bright by ACTUALLY shining. Festival or not, this summer, we will be out there glittering.

*Have to be extra clear: Tribal in any way, bindis, headdresses, and pretending you are a cartoon Pochantas EDM princess = PUKE.

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