You know that feeling when you go through your closet, and even though it holds probably at least 500 articles of clothing, you just have NOTHING to wear? It’s like … you look and look and look at EVERYTHING, and you feel like wearing NONE OF IT, because it’s all sort of boring and “fall/winter” and dark and gloomy and too practical for this very sad world, hello where are the crystals, why does Molly get all the cool gold Phoenix capes and sequin carwash skirts?


Background image via THE CUT Background image via THE CUT

You may as well just forgo the actual outfit and instead wear this SUPER GLAM but also very serious, so perfect for when you must leave the house in an over-sized pajama t-shirt, but still be prepared to both run into people at the grocery store and then spontaneously join them for spiced tea in some private clubroom covered in red brocade, leather and fur coat with matching fur helmet by Vivienne Hu.

Background image via THE CUT Background image via THE CUT

OR just focus on one key element you love – like a gorgeous pair of blue sparkle straight-cut high-waisted trousers. If you can’t find anything to wear with them, pull in a couple of key accessories – like a giant head flower and black veil – and cover up all of the leftover bits with a showstopping handful of blossoms, like I did at the Adam Selman show when that silly man tried to style me in a crop top, and in a rage, I just knocked over a vase full of flowers from Rihanna and used them to cover up on my way out to the runway. NO ONE PUTS ME IN A CROP TOP, ADAM, I AM 37 YEARS OLD AND I DON’T WORK OUT. I TOLD YOU.

Background image via Instagram @kyurchik Background image via Instagram @kyurchik

I loved both looks, obvs, but I was too warm in the first scenario and too scratchy in the next, and all of this AFTER the Alexander Wang show, where they cut and dyed my hair and squeezed me into head-to-toe black leather and only THEN told me there was no after party, just loads and loads of beer (ugh, do you know what beer does to the stomach of a 37-year-old who doesn’t work out?) and thus I immediately left and went and cried in our hotel room, because #NYFW, guys.

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