Image by Anjali Pinto, Makeup by Shannon O’Brien, Ear by Molly
I’m not going to beat around the bush here – I have always hated my ears. They’re big and flat and flared at the tips. The story goes that when my mom took me to a check-up as a baby, the doctor walked into the room and announced “WHERE’D YOU GET THOSE EARS??” – planting a deep-rooted insecurity in both my mom (HOW’D YOU MAKE A BABY WITH THOSE EARS??) and, of course, me (HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO LIVE A LIFE WITH THOSE EARS??).
Fast-forward through all of my 37 years to last September, when I felt compelled to point them out to everyone on a recent vacation (lest anyone notice them first), and Molly, being her perfect self, refreshingly acknowledged that yes, wow, my ears are sort of weird, but wait … we should fill them with crystals.
Molly, you goddamn genius.
I tried it. And let me tell you something, the vast surface area of my ears is now something to cherish. Do you know how many crystals I can fit on these things?? SO MANY CRYSTALS. I no longer hide my ears – I flaunt them. Even on days without embellishment. I love them. They’re so weird. I’ve never seen another person with these weirdo ears. I HAVE PERFECT EARS!!!
What do you hate about your body? I mean, I’m all for self-love, but let’s be real here – we each have our thing. You guys?? YOU SHOULD COVER IT IN CRYSTALS. I recently pinpointed exactly where my nose is slightly asymmetrical, and I’m thinking of covering that little spot in crystals too. There’s something so beautiful and empowering about drawing ALL the attention to whatever it is that feels imperfect to you – especially when you’re covering it in crystals, because duh, crystals are completely beautiful.
I also need to tell you that I have worn these on many occasions, and every single time, I get all the attention and so many compliments. I can actually hear people talking about how cool it looks as I walk through the room (probably because the crystals are picking up a lower frequency and bouncing it directly into my giant ears), and it feels great. You guys … my ears look GREAT. Your ears should look great too.
- Sheet of self-adhesive crystals/rhinestones, 4mm or smaller
- Cotton ball
Begin by inserting a bit of cotton in your ear to prevent any crystals from falling into the depth of your inner ear canal. I’M SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP. Keep the backing on your sheet of crystals and compare to your ear. Trim to size. Remove the backing and press to ear. Cut individual crystals to fill in any empty spaces, as needed. Pull your hair back and LIVE.